The Fates

Woven by Moirae
Mortal design bound in thread
My tragedy unfurled,
Where my life has led
Even the Fates turned aside;
And hide tears as they work
Up ending embroidered loss
Broken, I live in cropped stitches
A kaleidoscope of hearts
And; a single silver thread
of granted wishes
There is a wisdom in necessity
Even, in love not meant to be
Like puppets in stops and starts
My life continues; untold glitches
I can’t prevail, in this I lose
Clotho, Lahkesis and Atropos,
Cry as they weave mankind
They Cry to Ananke,
A Mother who guides no more
This – I did not choose,
Are you Listening, or turned blind?
While I implore Zeus,
Please stop
The loom chamber glints
Ashen and gold
Beautiful Reds in grief
Wondrous Blues of magic
Bound to each, these three
Woven core for destiny
They do not pause
Or give probable cause
They have no say
They cannot speak
They cannot change
The future they bring
The Fates will win
But, it is no victory
I’ve asked The Fates
For an inkling
How much longer
Before they cut my string

http://fc00.deviantart.net
moirai by pandorasconviction.jpg

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

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Treasure Chest

That locked box where you stockpile
The things that no-one sees
The darkness you know too well
Your languid perusal of these….
Tiny folded boxes, atrophied dreams
Address secrets of jealousies
And cadaverous deficiencies
In a locked box with your tools
Where you practiced fooling fools
With lipstick stained failures
Your shiny trinkets,
The cross, a ring and bones
The delinquent prayers
Blue ribbon tied baby shoes
Stained, when too many tears fell
The memory brings you to your knees
When you unlock your safe box hell
With a key you’ve kept
A copy of a copy
Because trust is a disease
At which you’re so adept
And Love is a virus that kills
You deny it, but
You cried from it
Now hide from it
Because you know how it feels
Cobwebs hug tightly, each red corner
Destroyed humanity, or denied hurt
You know you chose the former
Before I laid me down to keep
These secrets that I love so deep
And, I swore I’d keep for you
It remains hidden
If it does not exist
It cannot reveal
What it does not feel
There is no entrance
There is no fee
You cannot steal
What’s always been free
It is a charming sentence
In a world you’ve made unreal
In a mind of carefully worded twists
Treasure chest of forgotten
Crusted bloodied when you cared
Still you never compromised
Superstitiously, never dared
If your secrets are worth that much
It is true that you’ve been wise
Locked away long enough
Even truths can become lies
When there’s nothing left to discuss
Folded red ribbons of circles
Repeat chants of love miracles
Chart waning and waxing moon
Your strongest Magic works here
Your life force trapped in a room
As you speak in softest kisses
It’s what you do to conceal
And, to keep your box of secrets
You kept the last of all your wishes
Decided in ashes of trust denied
As If given
As it is riven
You are not winning
It is as it has been written
I know I’d better warn you, though
The ultimate price of sinning
These decisions were not up to you
They are Divine, not for The Living
You need to be aware of this
It is infinite, and Angels attest
Lest the dark night becomes a noose
Bravely open that treasure chest
They demand you let your demons loose
It is freedom, and only you can choose

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Photo Courtesy of,
Treasure Chest Aged 90 by
SAM @ SamInc04.deviantart.com
And
Greenman’s Door by Kuoma
Via
ღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ☆¸.•°*”˜ http://www.facebook.com/fairiesmythsandmagic ˜”*°•.¸☆ ★

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Accountable

I counted my demons
Accumulated, fed, destroyed, stronger
I counted my reaction time
Fought, slower, lost, longer
I counted blessings
That just made me mad
I’ve wrestled for so long, now
Counted blessings make me sad
I tallied words, hurts and tears
Included hope, joy and fears
I added up my wrong
I added up my loss
I crossed out calculation
Totals ran red in cost
Added God for calibration
Of these demons inside my head
With my full consent
I declare an enemy dead
You undid me when you went
As recollections burn
Devastated amputation
Of heart, of soul, of sin
Faith is real regeneration
I still hold salvation high
And, though you cannot see
You need to take your turn
If it was so easy to break me
Not to stop, to check, to learn
Or pretend the culprit not you
And every bitter pill I took
Reminds me I should have taken two
I accept my soul disrupt
I accept this life bankrupt
I accept it is not the end
Acknowledge debt out loud
While torment sleeps in shroud
Before you judge my outcome
Before you judge my despair
Or Tsk Tsk me destroyed
Remember, Innocence is unaware
Remember, I wished you laughter
All I wanted was you there
For the beginning, the life and hereafter
While you willed me blind
There isn’t always an after
Nor time to atone
Derisive, decisive, God is incisive
I have no answers, no more questions
I gave you a lifetime
You gave me alone
When I calculated my lessons
Forgiveness was always mine
Sealed your fated total in an envelope
We cannot calculate confessions
As Angels evicted demons
God delivered it to you
And, stamped it in angry red
For your sins this is “Now Due”

Photo:
“Freedom” by Young-june Choi (Gpzang)
http://www.gpzang.deviantart.com

Artist’s comment (in somewhat broken English):
We are thrown into the intensive life.
To gain what we want, we struggle fiercely. May complete freedom be achieved only when all the struggles comes to the end.

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I wish, I wish, I wish

I wish, I wish, I wish
No silence when you leave
Spoken louder than trees rustling
My wintry attempts unhinged
And an unbridled pain
Of the noisy proud of hustling
When you know all is lost
And nothing can remain
When you’ve bet the full cost
Still all expectations pale
And the sum total stays at loss
I wish, I wish, I wish
No futile fumbling in the dark
And I need never bid you depart
That nurture not a dropped stitch
Of a life that filled my womb
That I could finish what I start
That I could be more human
And make that my Art
That I could be loved
And not manifest failed acumen
That I could love
The things I have been dreaming of
And not feel nothing, but contempt
At time wasted, misspent
On all these attempts
And still my creation bent
I wish, I wish, I wish
That I knew more than this
Before crickets were my dance partner
In the longest lonely night
That my life deny disaster
Or the petty things in which you delight
In hurting and betrayal
And I find I grieve anew
At the prettiest portrayal
At the loss of innocence
And a laughter not felt since
The beginning that was you
When fascination was complete
Oh how disappointment leaves me weak
And, I can barely speak
Of the heartbreak you have brought
And the favours I have bought
To keep you close
And I’m stuck on repeat
This devastation so utmost
My womb continues to sleep
I wish, I wish, I wish
That you were not so broken
That you take back words you’ve spoken
And the hands you use to beat
My heart and face and keep
You safe in Mother’s love
What were you thinking of?
I always chose you first
Even at my worst
I wish, I wish, I wish
I were not too tired to continue
But, I heave with no breath left
Pray you could find within you
A piece to fix your puzzle
That realization bubble
And that a man can new emerge
I wouldn’t strand you child
Or leave you in the dirt
But, I cannot pick you up
My heart has had enough
I wish, I wish, I wish
That even prodigal
Some part of you comprehends
My mistakes knew nothing logical
Except the need that you not spend
Even one day less than perfect
I admitted same and knew
That for you all is worth it
Yet, I cannot keep making amends
If I am the one who spends
An eternity on what if
I wish, I wish, I wish
And I am sorry it wasn’t expected
I didn’t read the rules
I didn’t know I neglected
The perfection of your soul
But, I have paid my dues
Tenfold and in kind
I myself am still in progress
A developmental design
And I was less than whole
Before you were even conceived
You are my one achievement
Now from you I am torn
The proudest moment of my life
Was the day that you were born

For my son: I love you. God Bless Your Path and Keep you Safe, Mom

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While you were away

While you were away
My mind attuned
My body would sway
My life on hold, no reservations
These remembered conversations:
“I’m very jealous, are you?”
“No, never.”
“It isn’t easy, I do not trust.”
“For us to succeed, sweetheart,
you must.”
“I’m possessive, needy.”
“That’s alright, I accept you completely.”
“When I am most afraid, I push away.”
“Push, my love, I’m here to stay.”
“I will understand if you want to go.”
“I’m not leaving, you need to know.”
“I love you, as woman, with all I am.”
“I love you, too. With every breath as a man.”

While you were away
The days long, content
I took out our love, daily
Held it close wherever I went
Then Polished; until it shone
Paid Much attention, lovingly
Asked it questions, happily
Told it my secrets, daringly
Perhaps I grew complacent
Perhaps destiny’s accident
And me, not once thinking
we could not be One
Like treachery, a malignant hell
Or; a spite spell woven to distract
Until, one day while polishing,
I dropped our love and it cracked

While you were gone
I accused you ceaselessly
You swore I was wrong
Misunderstood from Understand
Hold your hand,
became; let me go.
Winter set in, rumors rife
of perceived sin, and I felt bone chill
Saw jpegs of your smiling life
Couldn’t get to you,
to see your face
You left me alone with me,
In my hated place

While you were away
When I caught a glimpse
your other life…stored contempt,
Stop pushing, you shouted
But; It weakened my structure,
Broke my core,
reminded me of before
And tore me apart
I tried all my tricks,
I stayed without sleep
I crumbled, like pick-up sticks
I played alone in the dark
Still my mind saw your eyes,
alight, in love; beautiful with lies
I now know better
I’ve hated someone,
Though, I’ve never met her
In pieces, I came undone

While you were away
I’ve been building walls and doors
Shirk womanly chores
I painted over sorrow
What I didn’t have
Of Emotional investment,
I had to borrow
Forgot
to want a man
Built with no earthly plan
Cried tears into the garden
Created discordant Labyrinth
Watched the soil slowly harden
Between the gate and me
Welcome mat says, ‘My Truth’
Underneath please find two keys:
One says ‘Home’ and one says ‘Go’
If you make it to the door
If you make it, I’ll believe

He says:
While you were away
Each day,
I came back for you
Your heart was not at home,
No reply, in any time zone
I knocked, banged with fists
I cleaned, fixed windows and doors
I cleared undergrowth twists
And Pulled Ivy down for sight
Still, I couldn’t find the way in
Or a way back to your light
And our remembered conversation
Kept strong, held through the night
As I carefully tended the garden
My tears fell, softened debris
I Laid the welcome mat, ‘Believe’
I loved you patiently
Still, You wouldn’t open for me
So, for you I bleed
And; my Truth is
I didn’t want to leave
XX

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

My Heart Said Stay

Walls
Built tall and dusky
Denial in a rusty bed1234679_586507291385457_673148739_n
That stays pristine
Virginal, new
Yet, unclean
Like things you never said
Rid myself of compliance
Trip on pride
The reliance
Lives only in my head
I walk with denial
As if we never met
Or you never left
Because it kills me
Either way
It fills me
My heart said stay
And then pushed
‘Til blinded
You went away
And I could not see
I was pushing me
Phantom kisses
In deepest sleep
Honest whispers
Memory keep
And silently weep
I never knew
I’d miss you
Until gone
Carefully strong
For far too long
As so forget
We ever met
Walls
For my protection
My predilection
For hurting me
Innocence
Desert completely
And love a joke
Our story’s end
Before you spoke
Though I loved you
At first glance
Unlucky in love
And games of chance
Held dice tightly
I cannot lose
If you don’t fight me
Yes, I choose
Not to play
You should have known
My heart said stay
You should have gambled
Or taken the dice away

God Blinks An Eye

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We are told to continue to pray, with Faith and to believe. That God does things for His reasons and answers prayers in His time. Then, too, we are told that our lives are a blink of His eye. Did you Blink God and not hear me? Did I disappoint You so badly that you cannot bear to hear me, my sobs, my anguish, my loss and my helplessness – did it extend to nonchalance at the gritty hurt of insecurity, pain & homelessness?

I can remember that the only things I was sure I wanted in this life: a home for myself and my kids, somewhere safe and where nobody could make me go, finally secure. Where I’d cook and clean and welcome my family in from the world outside and we would share togetherness.

This never happened. Instead we were pushed to sleeping in parks, on pavements, dirty and unkempt, losing everything, losing dignity, losing hope. Still, I prayed. You know I did.

The only other thing I ever wanted was to feel and believe that I was loved. Perhaps a man who showed with actions not just words, that leaving me was not an option. Obviously, I can never believe that now and I accepted a long time ago that to be alone and single is my preference – I just do not believe this is possible. Anyone willing to love me would need to love my broken children – and I will never accept that such a man exists.

Failing all that, the love of my children would have (should) sufficed; fill some void and that would be enough. This, too, has never happened. They love me because they have to, but there is no intensity of emotion or loyalty toward me. I’m just the person who carries the blame and broke everything further.

I cannot remember ever not trying. Not doing all I can for them. Bargaining, hospitals, courts, clothes, food, work and more work. Beaten to save them from being beaten. Weak in so many ways that the guilt lives inside of me.

I no longer try. I will run only if I have absolutely no choice. I will walk away when disrespected. I will accept my failures and my inability to “fix”. I stay without food and I stay inside an ailing body. I cannot care anymore.  And, still I do not hear God. That kills me the most. I am not waiting for “breakthrough” and promises of “Amens” for money are just offensive – wise up!

I will wake up (on any given day) and I will find laughter or I will remain sad, with my reminiscences of love, those I loved and lost to death or betrayal. It is okay, either way. I do not expect miracles because we squander them – they are tiny feet, rainbows, a people united by thousands in solidarity against war or injustice, forgiveness, orgasms, hugs, a homeless person sharing his last food,  We, the blind, we, the deaf – praying praying praying – while God safely blinks an eye…Because He already gifted us our miracles. I am positive he hoped Humanity would not squander them.

Benevolent

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I feel wronged
And, I have wronged you, too
Me ~ Taken advantage of
Chewed and spat out
Not to their liking
A touch too exotic
A touch too bothersome
And, so easy to let go
Scapegoat ~ easily nothing beneath their feet
This flesh aged by No
These wrinkles my severance
Those punches came as handshakes
They came to inspire
Then when I dared disagree
They came harder and higher
Little educated bites of shame
So, when I shut my mouth
When with quiet dignity took blame
While they wore suits…
and brandished their big names
In court rooms
And boardrooms
And bedrooms
I betrayed you, Women
I could not stay you
Now you hate me
This disillusion filled spite monger
because I dare You,
Stand!
As I could not
Speak!
Shout the Freedom I won for you
Rage the injustice
Those hushed orders issued
After long days in pseudo gratitude ~ Gone!
For a wage that fed
For the family you’d tend
While the soul ran red
For fist slammed on desk
…to show authority
For his shouted superiority
Whose?
No quiet acceptance
No more
No nodding, no agreeing
Yes, it is our benevolent light…
And; I say:
Fight for your voice
Raise it
For your fortitude
You made it
For your daughter
So save her
Fight for yourself
Fight before God
Fight for what is right
Or, all you have is the start
of ĺittle deaths, over and over
…then debilitating ones ~
…then Hope dies &
when that goes, fall…

…as fight l🌹eaves the soul
And then…too late.
Because child; you are Me…
And, We
And fight fears night
The righteousness silenced
By too many swallowed words
By the quietness of violence
And; ultimately our God betrayed
Women ~ We have always prayed
Stand Tall, Speak Loudly, Defended
We are glorious, we are as God Intended

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Your pills, not mine

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Distant now
My hopeful childhood steps
Before
Hours embraced days
Those Dark Days that chased weeks
And weeks that seduced years
The only constant that quiet ticking
The seconds most sure of their importance
These catastrophes they’ve brought us
or laughter from the belly up
…..and out into the world
Unhinged euphoria!
Before sadness and happiness
Felt symbiotically within hours ~ could not coexist….
Doctor’s script
And, so labelled: My impossible ~ Bipolar or Manic
Given pills to remedy
Told, “Hold her steady…”
For a madness that was quite ordinary ~ ¿
Exhilarating voracious wonder ~ Gone
You broke me, that’s how you won.

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Listen ~ Hear

He asked, “why don’t you listen?”

I shut my mouth

Eyes glistened, but

I did not scream inside my doubt

My tears not allowed

I felt my defiance

Euphoria needs out

As it rose up 

It let me shout

Never again

Not tonight

Refusal less expected 

Than just another fight 

He said, “Come with me…”

Grabbed painfully

I felt those shackles

And, I shrugged free

I felt those demons 

I let them loose

Above and below

Love’s sick noose

Enamoured ~

They embrace you slowly

Dance, dance, dance

And, NOW you know me…

It Didn’t 

You intrigued me. 

I waited for mystery to end. 

It didn’t. 

You stayed at my side. 

I waited for irritation to begin. 

It didn’t. 

You loved me. I waited for it to go away. 

It didn’t.

You asked me to hope. I do.

You asked me to live. I will.

You asked me to be brave. I can.

You never asked me to wait. 

You know I will.

You never asked me to remember. 

You know I will. 

You never asked me to love. 

You know I do.

A Soldier’s Birthday

PastelPoetry

fb_img_14706037659044am – I guess I’m a day older
Don’t know when
But somehow I’ve folded
When I’m stopped
When I’m locked
In awkward conversation
Why didn’t I turn out amazing
Like they predicted
Instead, I Became afflicted
With the business of life
Became addicted
To a man as his wife
Left success
Left a mess
I can’t fathom a guess
Of my 1st wrong turn
or that worm of concern
Wriggling, In my grave
At the age
At that stage
When I should have been glorious
Or of Shaken fist
victorious
Instead, I ran to hide
And life locked me inside
A vice like grip
or a banged up lip
And my pride stripped
When strength tripped
And I fell once too much
But, I’ve felt the heat
Of the Queen’s seat
I may not be all I wished
With certainty failed
But, Despite all of this
I Remember this…

View original post 76 more words

Moonbeam

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It’s a sad sad lullaby
And baby’s already dead
It’s a sad sad goodbye
When we put love to bed

And moon crescent, wane grow full
We stand in winter light
We hold on tightly still
To moonbeams that crash and spill
When Jack kicks Jill – down that hill

Into rose garden
Into forest green
Into love forgotten
Where pain rules supreme

Moonbeam……
Where do you lead?
Your light that flickers, bedside bleed
Rose pricks, forest lost –
Fairytale disaster
Happy ever after
To storybook lie, happily denied

Faerie princess, take moonbeam ride
Come home soon
I’ll wait though I’m tired

 

For Kayleah

Solitude

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Solitude
The meeting of your soul
When you instinctively connect
Earn your own respect
Converse, meeting in your mind
Discuss, times you were so blind
Readjust, images in your head
Make your peace
With what is gone, said
At the table of solitude
Humbled sit down
Eat the pie I share with you
Give this contract a signature
Solitude
When the pain outside
Collides
And finds its way inside
Reconciled, a fixture
Take what’s broken and deliver
Take what was spoken to oblivion
Release mental chains
In solitude
In attitude
And gratitude
Meet me, because I love you
Greet me, and I will cover you
With these blessings you deny
While I dry every tear cried
And truth the lies
In solitude
Become as one
You are my mirror
Who I’ve become
Let me embrace you
In solitude
So that I don’t erase you
In regret
I am the heart of you
Join me,
I am a part of you
Be free
Come home
You are not alone
Even In solitude
Just we two
Where we can start anew
And no more need to miss you

 

Touching Magic

I am not of this world
My fists unfurl
And nights hold wonder
I am not of this world
I cannot hold anger
I cannot linger
Any longer
Than necessary
Enchanted
By the beauty of beat
Under my feet
I move above the ground
Though searched
And never found
A promised love
Enchanted
Nevertheless
By these people I meet
In and out the street
Where I grew up
Enchanted
I confess
Even with little magic
Even with a God
Who does not answer
I believe
Sight only imagined
But, I’ve felt His hand
In words I speak
I am crushed
Beneath
Huge banners and purity peak
Still enchanted
By this hope in me
I wish too loudly
And it broke free
I let it be
and still sigh at a moon full
Cry when my womb died
When I loved too soon
And had to release
Enchanted, perhaps
A bit less so
Now that I know
that magic is old
It has no boundary
Except those we seek
I close my eyes
Enchanted, ancient
These arms too patient
And at crossroads
As the blood flows
And the land snows
Me in, me out, me under
Above the cords of thunder
Enchanted, remain
With me forever
This is a stain
A type of love and lover
I am not of this world
If with this love I cover
Your every sin and blunder
Enchanted
By the time
I was here
You were near
My dance partner
Bare footed and protected
By magic and ever after

Safety

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There’s safety in numbers
In not been alone
I’d have a plus one
If you’d answer your phone
There’s safety in secrets
Though no guarantee
A secret is as safe
As the person you believe
There’s safety indoors
If the locks are in place
But, even boarded up
I can feel fear’s face
There’s a safety in a lie
If by omission meant
But, If he can’t shut up
Omission is bent
There’s safety in stories
In sharing our history
I retell for perspective
Feel free to ignore me
There’s safety in nothing
I wish I could lie
The trick, my darling
Is to look me in the eye
There’s safety in love
When it is done just right
So far, I’m still fearful
And, alone every night
So far, I am safety
I stay slow, I lay low
I lock all I see
And so far, for safety
I befriend only me

 

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