Amended Cancer

My new status reads
“In a relationship”
Because, I am – its true
My relationship, while on display
Still, has little to do with you
Remains yet, invasive
And I am evasive
It is personal, malignant
My avarice for life, amended thirst
I greet each day
With respectful regret at growth
Choke on the best advice
Given by Doctors, medication
Trusted friends and meditation
Green leaves crushed for nausea
A little respite in euphoria
Those little leaflets say it,
“Cancer does not kill, ignorance does…”
I thought remission does
Or wishing does
Last, Excise
Or metastasize
Open these eyes
So, upended enemy
Those white blood cells
Shudder at scalpel
And, too, myself – from within
Feed it the best
Of everything
The fittest, the finest and test
Fated partnership, not welcome
We join only to be strong
When ice fill veins with poison
I hug the spinning floor
Don’t know a difference
Or the possibilities
In the good and the bad
And, my body shivers as it expels
Everything, nowadays
When my strength takes over
You will no longer belong
I visualize my murderer
Each cell has a face
I have freedom, I have power
I crush each and every trace
As I swallow the taste
Renew white, positive sight abide
I feed inside the embers
Avenged revenge
Keeps me alive
And kills pathology
I am a fighter
You know this
I give no apology

a. a malignant and invasive growth or tumor, especially one originating in epithelium, tending to recur after excision and to metastasize to other sites.
b. any disease characterized by such growths.
2. any evil condition or thing that spreads destructively; blight.
3. the Crab, a zodiacal constellation between Gemini and Leo.

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Castles in the Air

Inside, something trusted
It bleeds for your lies
I tried, held my heart
To staunch the flow
Bloody prose to show
Wounded too deep
I wanted too much
I hurt myself, touched
A part of the night sky
When it mirrored love
Then jealousy came home
It lingered on your skin
Now everything…is less somehow
Since you dropped me from above
Everything is a test somehow
I don’t know how to begin
Even giving you my best, now
Would Seem a parody; enough
If this failure the result
How can it be my fault

If jealousy were an island
I’d rule each day, a Queen
Wither, bitter locked away
You’d hate me, but be King

There would be silent enemies
I’d stop her at the shore
And stop them at the gate,
Jealously ask the stories
That sealed my lonely fate
While the telling leaves me raw
Violent memories pushed too hard
It’s arrogance that sealed the gate
Concentrated trouble at my door
Of a heart that love too much

Where do I go to forget
Your face, our place, the love, my regret
Everything was not alright
The night you brought her home
I defy myself and see you
Her scent clings to your phone
I’m stripped of self-respect
I admit the truth is a challenge
As she leads you and you are lost
While I still linger here
For once please be honest
Here is my love – Renounce it
As I hold the castle floor for balance
The place I built for you
Is empty, that is true
Still my biggest fear
You never belonged to begin
In bones love remains aching
And, I cannot find where you hide
Only know you are not inside

So I say….stay hidden
There is no more need nor the desire
When living is wrapped insincere
I built this castle in the air
The rooms are new
Furniture, too
The view has changed
Of course, no more you
My life less strange
Eyes that see clearly
Cease watch for warning signs
Or ships to bring you home
Like longing I sang in a song
Believe me, I loved you dearly
And screamed lyrical when it died
I say it is my life
My love and my infinite loss,
I arrived and I will leave
Always, in my own time
Now that I am in charge
And, I command the guards
And I need not think or speak
Or pray after your depleting
Though your going left me weak

I remember love
Love never meant cheating
To now disallow even a piece
I know that is not enough
But, I aim to live with no deceit
And with relief,
Repeat: Stay hidden
Maybe you will learn
And, until it hurts
Love isn’t complete
It packs heat, it kills – it is learning
It breaks me now,
So I stop hoping, there is no Foghorn
I don’t await your return

There is a castle, beautiful
But, empty….so do not seek
Or wonder where I’ve hid
Step lightly, quietly
Listen please
For ghosts that continue to weep
Or, perhaps just beyond belief
Do not disturb slumber
Of love held too far under
Dead, overhead and whispering said
Don’t go, and pistol’s thunder

Photo Credit:
Black Magic – Sarah_Fantom
Everything Under The Moon/Facebook

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I wish, I wish, I wish

I wish, I wish, I wish
No silence when you leave
Spoken louder than trees rustling
My wintry attempts unhinged
And an unbridled pain
Of the noisy proud of hustling
When you know all is lost
And nothing can remain
When you’ve bet the full cost
Still all expectations pale
And the sum total stays at loss
I wish, I wish, I wish
No futile fumbling in the dark
And I need never bid you depart
That nurture not a dropped stitch
Of a life that filled my womb
That I could finish what I start
That I could be more human
And make that my Art
That I could be loved
And not manifest failed acumen
That I could love
The things I have been dreaming of
And not feel nothing, but contempt
At time wasted, misspent
On all these attempts
And still my creation bent
I wish, I wish, I wish
That I knew more than this
Before crickets were my dance partner
In the longest lonely night
That my life deny disaster
Or the petty things in which you delight
In hurting and betrayal
And I find I grieve anew
At the prettiest portrayal
At the loss of innocence
And a laughter not felt since
The beginning that was you
When fascination was complete
Oh how disappointment leaves me weak
And, I can barely speak
Of the heartbreak you have brought
And the favours I have bought
To keep you close
And I’m stuck on repeat
This devastation so utmost
My womb continues to sleep
I wish, I wish, I wish
That you were not so broken
That you take back words you’ve spoken
And the hands you use to beat
My heart and face and keep
You safe in Mother’s love
What were you thinking of?
I always chose you first
Even at my worst
I wish, I wish, I wish
I were not too tired to continue
But, I heave with no breath left
Pray you could find within you
A piece to fix your puzzle
That realization bubble
And that a man can new emerge
I wouldn’t strand you child
Or leave you in the dirt
But, I cannot pick you up
My heart has had enough
I wish, I wish, I wish
That even prodigal
Some part of you comprehends
My mistakes knew nothing logical
Except the need that you not spend
Even one day less than perfect
I admitted same and knew
That for you all is worth it
Yet, I cannot keep making amends
If I am the one who spends
An eternity on what if
I wish, I wish, I wish
And I am sorry it wasn’t expected
I didn’t read the rules
I didn’t know I neglected
The perfection of your soul
But, I have paid my dues
Tenfold and in kind
I myself am still in progress
A developmental design
And I was less than whole
Before you were even conceived
You are my one achievement
Now from you I am torn
The proudest moment of my life
Was the day that you were born

For my son: I love you. God Bless Your Path and Keep you Safe, Mom

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Love You To The Moon (And Back)


His two year old hand,
Placed confidently in mine
He looked up at me.
Like he knew I’d understand.
Missing a tooth, he smiled;
As he whispered endearingly,
“Do you wanna know a secret?”
I bent, and gave him a kiss.
Unbearably delighted, I could only say,
“Yes please….”

He said, “I told my Mommy….,
I love her to the Moon and Back..”
I saw his earnest face,
The truth inside a child.
I said,
“I am sure she loves you too, exactly just like that!”

Honesty nodding – washed hair wild, he heartily agreed: “Yes, I think she does.
She tells me, again and again. But, I wanna know….can I love you, too, as much as my Mommy; and straight up to the moon?”
I answered, swallowed the pain; “Well, I’m sure that you can; every person that you love, has their very own special star.
See how many stars, so far….yet looking down at you?”
“That’s how very special you really, truly are…”

Little boy so scared; bravely asked his biggest fear:
“What if something happens, and someone’s just too far?”

I thought about an answer.
I saw the worry in his face.
I answered, “You are loved; even when someone leaves this place.”
He sighed with relief. Unimaginably pure belief.
Silently, I watched him stare,
way off into space, imagine him imagining, that he saw You there.

In a suddenly hushed room, a little heart admitted;
“I don’t think Gran’s a star, I think she is the moon…!”

I felt a tear fill my eye…..
I held him gently, softly asked,
“Can you tell me why?”

Eyes wide, incredible; yet believing just enough:
“When I move, the moon does too,”
He ran in a circle, his face up to the sky. An incandescent purple, an obvious reply, “I think Gran is bigger…’cos she sees me and Mom AND you.”


This is based on a real conversation with my nephew, 2 years old at the time. It took place shortly after my Mom passed away last year.
The little man is now a whole 3 years old! He wants to be a fireman, he is so fearful yet so brave and I love him so much it hurts.
Love You To the Moon and Back ‘Lil Guy, Aunty L

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While you were away

While you were away
My mind attuned
My body would sway
My life on hold, no reservations
These remembered conversations:
“I’m very jealous, are you?”
“No, never.”
“It isn’t easy, I do not trust.”
“For us to succeed, sweetheart,
you must.”
“I’m possessive, needy.”
“That’s alright, I accept you completely.”
“When I am most afraid, I push away.”
“Push, my love, I’m here to stay.”
“I will understand if you want to go.”
“I’m not leaving, you need to know.”
“I love you, as woman, with all I am.”
“I love you, too. With every breath as a man.”

While you were away
The days long, content
I took out our love, daily
Held it close wherever I went
Then Polished; until it shone
Paid Much attention, lovingly
Asked it questions, happily
Told it my secrets, daringly
Perhaps I grew complacent
Perhaps destiny’s accident
And me, not once thinking
we could not be One
Like treachery, a malignant hell
Or; a spite spell woven to distract
Until, one day while polishing,
I dropped our love and it cracked

While you were gone
I accused you ceaselessly
You swore I was wrong
Misunderstood from Understand
Hold your hand,
became; let me go.
Winter set in, rumors rife
of perceived sin, and I felt bone chill
Saw jpegs of your smiling life
Couldn’t get to you,
to see your face
You left me alone with me,
In my hated place

While you were away
When I caught a glimpse
your other life…stored contempt,
Stop pushing, you shouted
But; It weakened my structure,
Broke my core,
reminded me of before
And tore me apart
I tried all my tricks,
I stayed without sleep
I crumbled, like pick-up sticks
I played alone in the dark
Still my mind saw your eyes,
alight, in love; beautiful with lies
I now know better
I’ve hated someone,
Though, I’ve never met her
In pieces, I came undone

While you were away
I’ve been building walls and doors
Shirk womanly chores
I painted over sorrow
What I didn’t have
Of Emotional investment,
I had to borrow
to want a man
Built with no earthly plan
Cried tears into the garden
Created discordant Labyrinth
Watched the soil slowly harden
Between the gate and me
Welcome mat says, ‘My Truth’
Underneath please find two keys:
One says ‘Home’ and one says ‘Go’
If you make it to the door
If you make it, I’ll believe

He says:
While you were away
Each day,
I came back for you
Your heart was not at home,
No reply, in any time zone
I knocked, banged with fists
I cleaned, fixed windows and doors
I cleared undergrowth twists
And Pulled Ivy down for sight
Still, I couldn’t find the way in
Or a way back to your light
And our remembered conversation
Kept strong, held through the night
As I carefully tended the garden
My tears fell, softened debris
I Laid the welcome mat, ‘Believe’
I loved you patiently
Still, You wouldn’t open for me
So, for you I bleed
And; my Truth is
I didn’t want to leave

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You be hers, I’ll be fine

In my dream, I see you; smiling
Your eyes close, in ecstasy
You don’t see me
In my dream, I see her; smiling
Eyes open wide, in victory
She sees me
In that dream, I am less
She has you, will now possess
All that was once mine
I am forgotten, out of time
I am alone, I am a shell
You are hers, a calculated crime
She is your passion, she is my hell
She holds so gently, then pulls
Her fingers on your head
As you harden, my broken heart cools
In this dream, I see our bed
As bodies lift, invite desire
Once mine, now you’re her fire
Your hands, your fingers…
Your lips, love bites
You enter her, now new heights
I walk away, she knows she wins
She has you, a shiny new toy
This is no dream, I am fully awake
She can have you, a fleeting joy
I cannot stay, you made a mistake
Wish you were not…so easy to take
You be hers, I will be fine
When this is over
I will draw the line
There will be no compassion
I don’t care if you’re crying
Wipe your tears, like I wiped mine
Yes, You were hers, but I will be fine

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I don’t cry

When I hurt, I don’t cry
When I’m caught, I don’t lie
I find your excuses tedious
I find your silence needless
If for having an opinion
You’re spiteful, dish oblivion
That’s a choice you make
That’s a trait innate
But, that’s not me, I’m free
From game, innuendo and blame
If my honesty offends
Then don’t wait for apology
The tree of me bends
For no man, and I’m not sorry
But, if I’m hurt, it does damage
And my heart in safety salvage
Builds walls tall, strong protect
From lies, whys and love offense
If you see no tears, that’s my defense
It doesn’t mean I feel no pain
It means you failed, once again
Your loss is someone else’s gain

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Simplicity would seem a test
A life cut to the bone
Keeping what you love best
Takes a lifetime to hone
Yet; we are not alone
In seeking, Or speaking
The little truths
These All add up, All abide
When simplicity
And truth collide
And each gentle aside
A nudge from God
To let you know…you know
And though sometimes odd
That voice in your head
Interprets what was said
And adjusts it just so
Interprets your lesson
Decides what to let go
Then; when the life you lead
Is Free of need, From removal
And survival… Is instinctive
Simplicity just is,
And there’s no need for approval


I recently found it necessary to change my status on Facebook to “In a Relationship”. For the record, I am single, just sick to death of it not been acceptable 😉 So, as far as the rest of the world is concerned I am now “happy” – go figure!

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Blessed Be

May the warm winds of heaven blow softly upon your house.
May the Great Spirit bless all who enter there.
May your moccasins make happy tracks in many snows,
And may the rainbow always touch your shoulder.”
― Cherokee Indian Blessing

Art: Loyal Companions by Russ Dockett
Special thanks to Von GrayWolf Valefar

Blessed be,
Starwitch (credit for entire post)

Love this for my new home! 🙂

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The Deal

It is the land in between. Where earth holds death; until rest is found. When moon is high, and crests are fallow, and full moon trusts in shadow.

The forest is deep, wet~~soiled
She enters, young, face unspoiled.
Beauty that walks in sadness

Coiled Crone beneath withered oak
Teeth blackened, mouth spoke;
I see you….Human!!
Leave!! You are not welcome
I cannot help you….

No hesitation, approach continues
Slow, certain walk. Desperate issues!

Why you here?
Why your human tear?
What are you asking of me,
Little thing, human dear?

She has come from a far place
She has come to find some grace

No! It cannot be done~
If I could lie, I would;
Maybe try~~but;
Answers have Consequences
Twill not be right
I can’t give you light
Or second sight
Or a do over
He is yours, you wove him
You know him
Speak softly, he will hear
But, dead will still be dead
I cannot change my said
In eyes downcast
In spells that last
In voodoo repast
Take back blood
Lip sync and dubbed
In red ribbons of love
Mired in mud, heart flood
This wish you cannot obtain
For it uses magic, uses new;
Again & again
Promises all; blithely inane
Leave well what you wished to obtain
Soon enough human, you too will end
Do not meddle
In the incredible or cannot mend
Dislodge creature on your back
Does not your bidding do
No loyalty on attack
Listens always for Master due
That beauty, is not you
Young human~~listen true
Leave this place now, what you must do
Desire not beyond the permitted,
Cesspool pitted, sulphur soak
Leave before you have no hope!

Witch, take my young beauty…..
for I’m the one who breaks.
Witch, sincere and with no pity, can you show where my love sleeps? Can you show me where he wakes?

You get but one life – it is your blessing, a gift; it came with duty. Think deep, no hope in defeat? This certain speak and no return to here~~~Ah, so loss too great to bear? Acceptance is forever! You understand, my sweet?

I accept! Dirt, take my sleep. Take me home, where I am no longer alone. Witch, deal struck, as I have said: show me now, our eternal bed.

~~ A spine of stone may return home
May Choose instead another way,
May Carry on, another path after or Choose light, love and laughter ~~

Cackle Pointed crooked finger
Go Girl! Run!! There lies your sweetheart, catch him while you can~~before he greets the Reaper.

Head held high. In regal step she moves forward, falls to knees. Eyes glaze tired, human mired, takes rotting hand to lips. From beneath damp forest debris, a lover’s eternal kiss; and lay together final.

The deal is struck, payment in hand~~one long strand; of beauty’s hair
The master comes soon,
He rides the full moon
She was my 7th today,
Fool humans who do not walk away,
They walk toward death
They choose love and stay

23 more souls I will bring to rest. Before I too am blessed~~ unholy, eternal sleep. Until then, I do.
Administrate. Orchestrate.
Someone else’s fate. I hope I’m not too late; my love, please wait!!

Photo Courtesy of Dark Chest of Wonders by Gilraen_Ar_Feiniel
VIA Star / FB

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