While you were away

While you were away
My mind attuned
My body would sway
My life on hold, no reservations
These remembered conversations:
“I’m very jealous, are you?”
“No, never.”
“It isn’t easy, I do not trust.”
“For us to succeed, sweetheart,
you must.”
“I’m possessive, needy.”
“That’s alright, I accept you completely.”
“When I am most afraid, I push away.”
“Push, my love, I’m here to stay.”
“I will understand if you want to go.”
“I’m not leaving, you need to know.”
“I love you, as woman, with all I am.”
“I love you, too. With every breath as a man.”

While you were away
The days long, content
I took out our love, daily
Held it close wherever I went
Then Polished; until it shone
Paid Much attention, lovingly
Asked it questions, happily
Told it my secrets, daringly
Perhaps I grew complacent
Perhaps destiny’s accident
And me, not once thinking
we could not be One
Like treachery, a malignant hell
Or; a spite spell woven to distract
Until, one day while polishing,
I dropped our love and it cracked

While you were gone
I accused you ceaselessly
You swore I was wrong
Misunderstood from Understand
Hold your hand,
became; let me go.
Winter set in, rumors rife
of perceived sin, and I felt bone chill
Saw jpegs of your smiling life
Couldn’t get to you,
to see your face
You left me alone with me,
In my hated place

While you were away
When I caught a glimpse
your other life…stored contempt,
Stop pushing, you shouted
But; It weakened my structure,
Broke my core,
reminded me of before
And tore me apart
I tried all my tricks,
I stayed without sleep
I crumbled, like pick-up sticks
I played alone in the dark
Still my mind saw your eyes,
alight, in love; beautiful with lies
I now know better
I’ve hated someone,
Though, I’ve never met her
In pieces, I came undone

While you were away
I’ve been building walls and doors
Shirk womanly chores
I painted over sorrow
What I didn’t have
Of Emotional investment,
I had to borrow
Forgot
to want a man
Built with no earthly plan
Cried tears into the garden
Created discordant Labyrinth
Watched the soil slowly harden
Between the gate and me
Welcome mat says, ‘My Truth’
Underneath please find two keys:
One says ‘Home’ and one says ‘Go’
If you make it to the door
If you make it, I’ll believe

He says:
While you were away
Each day,
I came back for you
Your heart was not at home,
No reply, in any time zone
I knocked, banged with fists
I cleaned, fixed windows and doors
I cleared undergrowth twists
And Pulled Ivy down for sight
Still, I couldn’t find the way in
Or a way back to your light
And our remembered conversation
Kept strong, held through the night
As I carefully tended the garden
My tears fell, softened debris
I Laid the welcome mat, ‘Believe’
I loved you patiently
Still, You wouldn’t open for me
So, for you I bleed
And; my Truth is
I didn’t want to leave
XX

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Melissa
    Feb 15, 2014 @ 13:16:28

    The best yet. As you say, beautifully tragic. Awesome Louise!

    Reply

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