Mourn

She left a note
Now tattered,
read beyond worn
Now scattered,
hurt beyond the norm
She left with no hope
One cold winter Morn;
with not a thought
….to those who may mourn
She left her truth
She left guilt to be borne…..

There were tears from her Mother
There to mourn her loss
A tear from a Mother
cares not about the cost
The tears from her brother
Big man shook like thunder
Then tears from her sisters;
those seem cold;
so long they’ve missed her
The bonds already old
There were tears from her babies
Those born, forlorn or torn
Then the tears from her friends;
Of betrayal, guilt at ends

But the tears from her lover
Those were saddest,
can you see?
He believed in forever….
Yet, she……..
Could only find peace in free

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In Your World?

My love,
I have dreamed of you. I don’t think I know you now, but you’ve held me. During lucid dreams, I feel your arms around me and I am calmed. I feel its texture, warmth and I know you are strong and tanned. I know that you are waiting for me and I dream of you next to me. I have turned to you in my sleep. I have felt you next to me – felt reassured and in that way fall asleep again. You are of water, strength and calm. Your breath is warm. You love me intensely and protectively. You are frustrated – as I am, that we are still apart. What does fate expect of me, if you have my heart?
Who are you? Where are you? How do I find you? You are aware of me, though not like I am of you. You are not of my country. You are fair, though dark from sun and trees and the sea. I want to know you. I feel cheated. I am rescued by you in dreams, now I have become the rescuer and you only advise. Maybe it is too late? Maybe I knew you before this life. And, just maybe, we will meet in the next one. It explains much, the searching….the failure. I am done. You are the one.

Picture Courtesy:
Oleg Korolev korelia.blogspot.com
Slavic Fantasy Dreams

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Boots

Feel?
Nothing
I earned
I am Deserving
Boots with heels
Taller, stronger
What woman feels
Spurned
Rejected
So wrath
Your power steals
Ignores, and
Condones None
Boots with heels
Transform from Mother
Sit silently, smother
I’m done
Not Conflicted
Not Restricted
These boots with heels
Take strides, not steps
Taking a ride
What’s left?
These boots aren’t made for talking
And I ain’t taking ’em off

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In Dreams

Vivid these people & places
Where I’ve been
That I’ve seen
While I slept
And on awakening
I long to get
Back
Lost babies and toddlers
Mothers gone
But mine alive
In my alternate Universe
Where you survived
Where the water is crisp
Blue
And Winter has not come
My son speaks
Adorable lisp
And I have someone
Close
And I’m gifted things
Awake imagination
Can’t contemplate
Oh how I hate
Been taken away
From the sleep state
Where I get
To see you
And share magic
Of meeting myself
Again
At 21
And, my photo taken
Gorgeous baskets
Of delight
That I brought home
To you
And you were happy
Sandalwood
Still your favorite
That alternate me
Is doing what I should
I’m so reassured I could
Even if not here
Even if not real
It is solid enough
Thank you
For letting me see you
& Me
In a place
Where we are happy

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SMS

In a short message service
You wrote: ‘ 1 – 4 – 3 ‘
Meant; when figured out, you love me

In a short message service
You wrote; ‘U r the 1!’
Smiley Face, Exclamation & ❤ 4 fun

In a short message service
You wrote; ' I just cannot sleep..!!'
Meant; you missed me & did I need U 2?

In a short message service
You wrote; 'I love U, U R my light'
Meant; together we'd be better; maybe even right..

In a short message service
You wrote; 'DON'T DO IT' you sent it twice
Meant; a beautiful 9 month roll of the dice

In a short message service
You wrote; 'Tell me everything: what r ur dreams?'
I did, I told u
It was easy, so it seems

In a short message service
You wrote: 'It's for the best. We'll try again'.
Meant; baby gone 4eva & we r just pretend

In a short message service
You wrote: 'I'm sorry, but YOU are NOT my wife!!!'.
Meant; time to pack up; get on with my own life

In a short message service
You wrote: 'Because I've deleted you!!!!!'.
Meant; all my fears finally come true…

In a short message service
I wrote: 'That's fine, I understand….'
Meant; I accept – and returned ring to your waiting hand

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Touch

Touch
Just this much
A hand to hold
Fingers that trigger
Or enfold
Touch
Just this once
Can I be bold
And let my eyes linger
Touch
Too long alone
My soul wont be sold
For a man who leaves
Or to atone
Touch
Sending shivers
Down lonely spine
With trickles deliver
A love not mine
Touch
Without it I wither
I cannot forgive
I choose instead to live
And; My life is mine
No touch
Can deliver
Or replace what you give her
So I put down the phone
At least
My choices are mine
And I may miss touch
But, if not yours
I decline
Touch led me to water
It led me to depth
It took all my heart
All of my breath
Your touch is the answer
The question you know
I wish with this body
That doesn’t feel like my own
Touch led me to slaughter
Love was denied
I accepted forever
Alone I have cried
I wish you Touch
I wish you Together
I assure you this much
My tears aren’t forever
Touch will come again
When I can allow
I will find a friend
Though it cannot be now
Because
When Touch comes again
I will understand
The greatest Touch
Is how he holds my hand

Pictures:
Love.catchsmile.com
&
Holding Hands – a Visual Poem by Meljoy68 meljoy68.deviantart.com

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Heart Broken

I made you hard
Unyielding
I changed your world
Now you’re unfeeling
I took your heart
You said you gave it
I gave it back
You said no returns
But, gave mine back too
It was useless, we knew
Back and forth
As we got better at this game
At its most basic
Neither of us
Could ever be the same
I tried, you won’t believe
I’ve cried, didn’t want to live
You had me
Check mate
This time my card
Was filled with hate
You took back your heart
And now carry no blame
You’ve made a new start
Told me, do the same
You left without
Giving back mine
You said you did
It will reflect, given time
Its been a year
I’m not functioning
I cannot wrap my head
Somehow I’m not calculating
I read your stars
I try to guess your happiness
I played our game too long
There is something gone
I can’t help, but miss
Its frightening
I Listen to our song
Its heartbreaking
So, I admit you were right
I do have my heart
But, its useless to me
Since we’ve been apart

Pictures Courtesy of
Hearts by ~ Rachey-Roo
&
Heart Broken by Sweet Hooligan

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1, 2 Skip a Few ~ 99, 100

1, 2 skip a few 99..100

I wrote furiously;
Taking back my words
Each sentence a nail in love coffin
I took you seriously,
Though now it seems absurd to me
Yearning woman tried love
Once too often
You said I was all your plans
You said you wouldn’t hurt,
no matter my demands,
you’d never do me dirt…
You said you understood
And even broken you’d stick around
You promised to protect
Yet; somehow let me down
I said you are my last
I wouldn’t take another
That my heartache would feed my need and lead for me to smother
I couldn’t accept your love
But; insistent you became
In game you climbed floors & walls & thorns — to get to me;
To set me free and let me be……
Seemed you tried so hard,
So yes, I gave my heart.
My words, devotion ~ total trust
You said; ‘It’s ok; it’s for both of us’.
Now, I find I’m alone at night
When love’s day is done..
And sky my only light
Extinguished; Relinquished
Stupidly I perceive
Now, you’re gone forever, lies so
ill conceived
Bereaved, my heart; so close
Lose key, or persuasion in
Mourning’s rose
Lose me, to salvation; to my
Last Rope….
Forever after, now I’m my only
One word deleted, becomes a thousand
And, that is how I’ll cope….

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Here Lies Lying (R.I.P)

(Warning: Adult Theme)

You say I got you confused
You say “I love you”
You say many things, some of them are used
You say “I was Killing time,
she meant nothing!”
Are you Divine?
That endearments from your lips can choose when they are lying?
Words said to me,
Count not when said to her?
You say “You are my everything!”
You seemed once so sincere
You squander words, the dirtied pure, lay here on my floor
I hear you, but…I feel you no more
You say I wasn’t around,
When you lost yourself?
Were you underground?
Did you crossover?
Or just cross yourself?
Penitent Lover, you were untrue
My prayers fail because of you
You say she means nothing,
An itch to scratch. Bored… just exchanged hardware.
Did you tell her that,
when she made you hard everywhere?
I read, “You stimulate me, in more ways than one.”
I think she believed you,
I know I would have done.
That nails didn’t scar, is only space
And that’s fine, its just such a waste
Comprehend, before pressing send
And hear things you said
I know what I know and what I’ve seen
And I dream I am her in between,
She said, “Do you want to fuck me or get in my head?”
You typed, ‘Ah…cocktease, I’d fuck you all night!’
Still, you think to make this right?
You said “I only want what’s real.”
You said “You are all I feel..”
Yet play games so we suffer loss
One day find real too much cost
Only you will reach crescendo
Lonely you and screamed innuendo
My only question is:
If you see me, and you’re asked:
“Who is she?’
Please don’t let your reply be,
“She is nobody….”
Admit lie to me,
Forget you were mine
And say,
“I was only killing time.”
Unearthed, again play
Tombstone: “here lies lying”

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Twice Tricked

You sat sulking in a corner
Like a child
Something denied
You counted all my faults
Yet never included how I cried
Or how I waited
Or what we created
Until it was done
When you came
You asked for one more day
So you could understand the goodbye
Well, when I asked for the same
Your silence told me everything
You wouldn’t even try
Do you still sulk
These many miles away
Still dabble in flame
As if I’m still there to tame
I know I did the wishing
I know I wove the spell
Love spell too tight
Gave us too many years to fight
Made us hang on despite tears
We were breaking, broke and broken
Still, my love spell kept you close
For me it didn’t matter,
I always loved you most
So, I undid it true
On a full blue moon
Didn’t know I gave her you
Dug it out and unwrapped
The Red ribbon of our start
I burned it, chanted released
And, gave you back your heart
So convinced it was the right path
I felt loved, but differently
Thought it time for my life to begin
Now, too late, I realize
I gave your freedom too soon
I am stuck, distracted, howling, crawling
I’d missed all warning
And chose a man not you
I chose a man not true
The moon
Bound, rewound
Affected me too
My heart will never be the same
If my life started when you came
It ended when I let you go again
My lessons say I must wish you well
How does that work
If I’m stuck in hell
Twice deserted, tricked
I was tempted, that I know
It didn’t have to end
I can plead I didn’t know
By then you were both not friend
Ignorance is no excuse
It is my burden, if I’m honest
Born of ancient knowledge
I knew what I was doing
And when the moon is full
My fingers itch……
but I ignore them

Photo, with thanks, by Anthony Guebels

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