These strangers who touch me
Who wash me clean, gritty and shiny
I am not less without you guiding me
I heard myself say,
“I don’t mind the pain,
It’s the hope that kills me
…again and again “
I recognized truth
I didn’t leave it behind
I am free
Because the more things change,
the more they stay the same
I read somewhere
The diagnosis: is psychosis
But, it is not my truth
I am too honestly insane
That scandalous deceit
It is love for love’s sake
It Breaks the blazing knife
Embraces the liars I have endured
Make it easier to take
I hang back – Hyper vigilant
Paranoia rolls with attack
The delusions,
they worm into an abyss
The real and the dream
Will both fight to stay awake
I remember safety in your arms
That it smothered me,
until it was gone
– and I could not breathe at all
Your words climbed into my head
And over fed, they live there now
Despite all who have shared my poison
I care even less now, without compassion
As time fills laughter lines
When all I’ve done is cry
I know it can never be
as it was before
Silence is easier than
The banging at your door
The truth is inside me
And I will never wish you well
I draw your essence from my heart
And feed that fire
maybe you cannot tell
That it burns me to my soul
The knowledge a blackened stone
Hurts me more than just alone
Impossible love, I let you go
Lifted lifeless , without malice
Don’t worry love, I’ve got this
PastelPoetry 
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