Pretty

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I should pretend
Pretty in lipstick & rouge
Because
I said
It doesn’t matter to me
And you are excused
I cannot love you
Anyway
I floundered – did some crazy shit
When I was waking up
And, I did not realise it
Growth in crazy stops & starts
Made me bolder
Careless with others hearts
Selfish after selflessness
An adjustment I still welcome
After too many lonely nights
Bad luck cornered denied sun
Made me colder
Until Summer just a euphemism
For feeling warm
And satisfaction no surfeit
In a morsel of bread
In never feeling fed
Made me lonelier
Than an empty bed
Anywhere to lay my head
For a time
Longing for a home
That died in that flood
When the storm shook me
And forsaken all, freed me
Took everyone left to need me
When even God believed
And gave me legs that walk
And eyes to see
And a mouth that could talk
If only
To take me
Away
If only
To teach me
To stay
Some lessons
Not meant
To be learned
This way
But, it matters
And you have no right
To love me
If intention only a minute
It matters you know I’m right

I matter ~
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And I am worth the fight

The Battle is Real

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The wind carried a stench
Charred meat turned
My heart you would not eat
Salty air lingers
Caresses my cheek
I cannot move
Zombie eyes and fingers
Twitch
Heat that puts me to sleep
Itch
Of words I cannot speak
The distant death bell clatters
I am not my intention
The outcome is all that matters
Sporadic giggle in hyena vowels
Of love I could not save
Drill the path to hellish bowels
Acidic turned sacred mountain
Beneath an ancient dust
Yet ~ Move my feet I must
Numb with disbelief
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