This Woman, Human

I’ve Heard many things
Sugar and spice,
all things nice
The smile this brings
The female of the species is a snake
Or perhaps she’s sometimes fake
I think she sheds her skin
Allows strength from within
Behind every great man is a great woman
But beware what the shrew has brewing
Mother, Nurturer, Sister, daughter
Friend – This is woman, human
I’ve heard hell hath no fury
Like a woman scorned
What did you expect,
if she wasn’t warned
Bitch, loose, lazy, manipulative, vacuous – This is woman, human
She wasn’t born innocuous
The Women I’ve known are stronger
Than most of you
Your words are cruel, no doubt
But she waits no longer
For approval, she may shout
Out of windows, or her child’s name
Women hurt, they change
They cannot stay the same
Yet, first to lay blame
Upon her own shoulders
Whore, puritan, dreamer, mistaken, loyal, This is woman, human
Women line up like well trained soldiers
Like the war is real, rages
Across failure and successful stages
Alike, Head held high
Proud of tears, and released sigh
These women I’ve known
All my life
She picks it up, knits it, binds it, repairs it, cares for it.
Humble or alone, they call it home
Warrior, nurse, lover, broken, whole,
This is Woman, Human
Cut off from the world
I forget I am woman,
Breathe deeply, fists unfurl
It doesn’t ease the tension
Words do not come,
I’m Relieved, they can’t be undone
Thoughts, so angry still
Leave life for a moment
And the hurts I cannot mention
I have lost all connection
And that’s the hardest part
When I return to here
When I remember to remember
I acknowledge this false start
Take a knife, scratch at the stain
It bleeds angry red, pulses in bursts
I admit I place the blame
I admit it covers shame
I try to dice these hurts
Make Manageable memories
Bite sized contrite slices
Then swallow the hollow
Hiccup on these hindrances
Remove these insane instances
I try to Repair these wounds
But, I’m Too raw, to slow….
Too soon for no more
To Remove these cushions
Of blood and bone and heart
To Remove…..You
Knowing, I’m alone, I remove me too
Whatever I deny now
I lose in the insistence of why
To remove cloak of invisibility
To remember that you see
My Discrepancy
To know I will never again be
The light you give her
When I return to here
When I remember to remember
I hate, I miss, I regret
So for one more day, I forget

Self-Managed

I slept on the floor, in the lounge –
Too much you all around
I waited for the phone, perhaps your key
There’s no-one home, Its always only me
And, so I learned not to bother you
Not to care what it is you do
You stayed away
I cried each day
That was my first door
Crutch gone, see me fall
I made it to the kitchen
I slept in minutes
Dramatic increments
That came with waves of a shot glass
My long hair hung lank
My body stank, of before
When I kissed you,
The last, and; body betrayed
‘Cos even my broken scream stayed
Bounced around, while
I Sat in the corner
Blackened feet on the table
Eyes bleached grey destroyer
I did as much as I was able
I sat until another day went away
My eyes seeking a savior
Didn’t go out
Didn’t shout
The hatred built like euphoria
I said, “Remember this…”
A thousand times
I said, “No goodbye kiss..”
A thousand lies
I said, “You did this…”
A thousand tries
Still, only emptiness beside me
None to hold within these arms
Just the same as it will always be
The same as it always was
Can’t conceive how I held on
All this time that you’ve been gone

Feel the Pain

I watched him scream
My gaze microscopic
Seeing beyond sound
To beneath, underground
I told him to hush
Take it like a man
While wound wept yellow
And clenched fist was his hand
Then red joined in sympathy
The scab left to hang
From all that bang, bang…bang
Of the boy trying to leave the man
Not long after, he kissed me goodbye
Said…’I love you, Mom’
I saw his tears had dried

Then, tonight
After my bath, I stubbed my toe
Watched nail…bloodied; nowhere to grow
I was screaming, so much pain
Tears down flushed cheeks ran
I hopped to my room, race!
To find my safe place…
No-one awoke, all was quiet
I realized my screams had all been silent

I love you, my son
Forgive me…I was wrong
When you hurt, let it out
If it helps, you can shout
I should know better, my son
My own pain I’ve tried to hide
Turned bitter, withered – it lives inside

Forgive me, my son
Your pain is real….and
I could not see
That no arms around you
Meant…no arms around me

Forgetting

rake torn bitten nails 
Down lonely hollow spine
I raise perfect sails
I am poised for the climb 
I whisper to nobody
While I kiss you goodbye 
On your forehead 
As if you were friend
And I prepare the descent
Because you were never mine
Not even to hold one more time
Though rolling clouds sweep Cobwebs of pale blue skies
I am sadly reluctant to release 
I am my pale cheeks 
Streaked ashen with memory
while I…..
Slip into comfortable forgetting 
Slip into the deepest blue
Slip into night less moon light 
Slip into day less you.
Slip into something true
Slip into what was said 
Slip into somewhere different 
Try anything 
Because without you
I’m slipping away instead 



















Watch “IAMX – ‘The Void’ (Official Video)” on YouTube