Listen ~ Hear

He asked, “why don’t you listen?”

I shut my mouth

Eyes glistened, but

I did not scream inside my doubt

My tears not allowed

I felt my defiance

Euphoria needs out

As it rose up 

It let me shout

Never again

Not tonight

Refusal less expected 

Than just another fight 

He said, “Come with me…”

Grabbed painfully

I felt those shackles

And, I shrugged free

I felt those demons 

I let them loose

Above and below

Love’s sick noose

Enamoured ~

They embrace you slowly

Dance, dance, dance

And, NOW you know me…

A Soldier’s Birthday

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4am – I guess I’m a day older
Don’t know when
But somehow I’ve folded
When I’m stopped
When I’m locked
In awkward conversation
Why didn’t I turn out amazing
Like they predicted
Instead, I Became afflicted
With the business of life
Became addicted
To a man as his wife
Left success
Left a mess
I can’t fathom a guess
Of my 1st wrong turn
or that worm of concern
Wriggling, In my grave
At the age
At that stage
When I should have been glorious
Or of Shaken fist
victorious
Instead, I ran to hide
And life locked me inside
A vice like grip
or a banged up lip
And my pride stripped
When strength tripped
And I fell once too much
But, I’ve felt the heat
Of the Queen’s seat
I may not be all I wished
With certainty failed
But, Despite all of this
I Remember this detail
The Crown was never mine
I’m doing just fine
If that clock strikes 12
There’s nowhere I need to be
God made only one of me
And then He broke the mold
Predictions are nothing
Just Gambling at a race
I could change many things
But;
Not that look upon your face
Come close, as I whisper
Yes, I guess I’m a day older
I am no Queen, never been

Instead, you made me Soldier

Pretty

image

I should pretend
Pretty in lipstick & rouge
Because
I said
It doesn’t matter to me
And you are excused
I cannot love you
Anyway
I floundered – did some crazy shit
When I was waking up
And, I did not realise it
Growth in crazy stops & starts
Made me bolder
Careless with others hearts
Selfish after selflessness
An adjustment I still welcome
After too many lonely nights
Bad luck cornered denied sun
Made me colder
Until Summer just a euphemism
For feeling warm
And satisfaction no surfeit
In a morsel of bread
In never feeling fed
Made me lonelier
Than an empty bed
Anywhere to lay my head
For a time
Longing for a home
That died in that flood
When the storm shook me
And forsaken all, freed me
Took everyone left to need me
When even God believed
And gave me legs that walk
And eyes to see
And a mouth that could talk
If only
To take me
Away
If only
To teach me
To stay
Some lessons
Not meant
To be learned
This way
But, it matters
And you have no right
To love me
If intention only a minute
It matters you know I’m right

I matter ~
image
And I am worth the fight

Love Or Something Similar

Love, go quickly
Perhaps I won’t feel your passing
No don’t you hit me
My hurt no more yours for the asking
My fingers traced the bruising
My fear asked who did the using
Was it I – though I gave & gave?
Worked my heart into an early grave
Still, I ached to feel you crush me
Fell willingly when you said, “Trust me”.
That first light was blinding
The blood tasted rusty, crusty
My hopes & dreams I gave to the light
My swollen face convinced it was night
Disintegration of laughter
Integration of my screams
Even then they couldn’t drag me away From you
My stupid faith
My belief you were true
As my belly filled & grew
Grope in hope this child is not you
Deliver, forever changed
Your beautiful daughter
17 years too late
Lead myself to the slaughter

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

Thin Walls

Walls thin
The voices penetrate
At first, just disagreeing
Escalates to shouts
Of
Misunderstood
Then
Of her head as it hits wood
And
Fist
I am insulated, if reminded
Of
Before
Healed
My eyes cry her tears
Now
I wish she would walk out
Why stay
She’s in the way
And his aim is true
I did, I do
Everyday, in my mind, I leave you
I cannot
I will not
Feel her, when she was me
I nearly killed her
In the name of “love”,
Stays too true
A lifetime of forgive me
Until the choice is simple
Leave
Hope
Survive
If you’re blessed
Then love again, gentle
Removed from the mess
Heart incorrectly wired
Confess
Once replaced
No more trace
Of ignorance
Don’t live compliance
With an Unrecognized Face
Head rewired
Instead show defiance
Make freedom your safe place
If you must have scars
Call them your trophies
Break the prison bars
And go, please!

Painting courtesy of:
Bruised Face, Broken Heart
by AbbasGirl

http://abbasgirl.deviantart.com/art/Bruised-Face-Broken-Heart-292210671

This work is oil on canvas. Reference photo by Warrengoldswain at Dreamstime.com

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress