Touching Magic

I am not of this world
My fists unfurl
And nights hold wonder
I am not of this world
I cannot hold anger
I cannot linger
Any longer
Than necessary
By the beauty of beat
Under my feet
I move above the ground
Though searched
And never found
A promised love
By these people I meet
In and out the street
Where I grew up
I confess
Even with little magic
Even with a God
Who does not answer
I believe
Sight only imagined
But, I’ve felt His hand
In words I speak
I am crushed
Huge banners and purity peak
Still enchanted
By this hope in me
I wish too loudly
And it broke free
I let it be
and still sigh at a moon full
Cry when my womb died
When I loved too soon
And had to release
Enchanted, perhaps
A bit less so
Now that I know
that magic is old
It has no boundary
Except those we seek
I close my eyes
Enchanted, ancient
These arms too patient
And at crossroads
As the blood flows
And the land snows
Me in, me out, me under
Above the cords of thunder
Enchanted, remain
With me forever
This is a stain
A type of love and lover
I am not of this world
If with this love I cover
Your every sin and blunder
By the time
I was here
You were near
My dance partner
Bare footed and protected
By magic and ever after




There’s safety in numbers
In not been alone
I’d have a plus one
If you’d answer your phone
There’s safety in secrets
Though no guarantee
A secret is as safe
As the person you believe
There’s safety indoors
If the locks are in place
But, even boarded up
I can feel fear’s face
There’s a safety in a lie
If by omission meant
But, If he can’t shut up
Omission is bent
There’s safety in stories
In sharing our history
I retell for perspective
Feel free to ignore me
There’s safety in nothing
I wish I could lie
The trick, my darling
Is to look me in the eye
There’s safety in love
When it is done just right
So far, I’m still fearful
And, alone every night
So far, I am safety
I stay slow, I lay low
I lock all I see
And so far, for safety
I befriend only me


I Am Here



If I could only sleep, I think it would all go away. The reruns and the constant self-flaying bullshit – until all my head is, is cotton wool and storm drains; ebbing always away and into nothing. So that I am nothing – only a vast ocean of my bad choices and guilt. And really, how else are we supposed to live, if not to acknowledge our misdeeds and the fault lines that lay within all of us? To pick at it until it explodes? See how much pressure it can take… realistically.
Emotional pressure points – God only knows until we do too, and fuck up anew.

I watched a movie based on a novel by Stephen Elliot, it has the lines: “Validation is a helluva thing..” and he answers “The truth is fucked up”. And that’s my entire life in two sentences – I’m constantly trying to validate what I’ve already fucked up, and continue to fuck up on a daily basis. Because I cannot sleep so I cannot process so I cannot heal or find the sense in my actions.
Mostly though, it’s just me; inside my head, berating myself on every level. And let’s face it, who would want that kinda shit as a daily cheerleader? Bound to get tangled inside of words and actions and dreams and disillusionment that just go nowhere. Except, here. I am here.

Wide awake and terrorised by my own thoughts. My imagination is a scarey and wondrous place.
I would prefer not to live there.

But, I do.
I am.
I am here.


Whispers in another room

A voice in another room
Speaks too quietly
Expecting answers far too soon
I try, cry – is it only me
But, the words seem to know
And; the voice in the other room
Seems always stuck on slow
Decipher decisions
Before I’m freed
Decided the visions
Before I agreed
If this was ordained
I missed the blessing
Instead I’m left to bleed
On knees I’m confessing
When will the pain end, let me be
When words cease and set me free?
The story of a life, less friend
I go where you cannot be
Your voice is a mere whisper
But spoken truthfully
As the dusk becomes the dawn
A scream inside my body
Becomes an aching yawn
Memory takes a back seat
While voices in another room
Replace the voices I might meet
I pray memory remains kind
Because my hearing is just fine
Cotton curtains play with the wind
When the silence is most profound
I hear the Angels sing
Your voice in that other room
Has a clarity that’s too loud
Is it the death bell that they ring
Every utterance a clear refrain
You left us far too soon
I think God has enough Angels
It’s just wrong to take you, too
Your voice now crystal clear,
Beloved words, they are not new….
You say, “I love you, now be strong…”
I know there is a purpose
I know I cannot fight
But, in doing this disservice
It only proves that I am right
Still the whisper in another room
Is gone when I put on the light

Photos Courtesy of:
The Untouchable Ghost:
A short story by Miss Niki * Must Read *

Epic Fantasy – Lita Burke

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

Dreamcatcher – Put Sadness to Bed

Early Hours.
Vision blurs
My eyes as tired as my heart
And each time they close
Nightmare stirs
And I’m drowning in the dark
Reality lays next to me
Plays with my hair
That 3am infant, colic despair
With coaxing I’m coping
I accept an all nighter
And wrap blanket tighter
My 4am friend, intention pretend
To listen and advise
Understanding mindless surprise
In whispers seems somehow wise
My 5am lover, a dreamy affair
The itch begins, goes nowhere
Beneath my skin,
It squirms remembered him
My 6am Mother, lovingly covers
And encapsulates decades in lock box
Hums soothing drowns…..softly
Infant, lover or friend
She Says sleep now memory
As she puts sadness to bed…..

Photos Courtesy of:

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

The Fates

Woven by Moirae
Mortal design bound in thread
My tragedy unfurled,
Where my life has led
Even the Fates turned aside;
And hide tears as they work
Up ending embroidered loss
Broken, I live in cropped stitches
A kaleidoscope of hearts
And; a single silver thread
of granted wishes
There is a wisdom in necessity
Even, in love not meant to be
Like puppets in stops and starts
My life continues; untold glitches
I can’t prevail, in this I lose
Clotho, Lahkesis and Atropos,
Cry as they weave mankind
They Cry to Ananke,
A Mother who guides no more
This – I did not choose,
Are you Listening, or turned blind?
While I implore Zeus,
Please stop
The loom chamber glints
Ashen and gold
Beautiful Reds in grief
Wondrous Blues of magic
Bound to each, these three
Woven core for destiny
They do not pause
Or give probable cause
They have no say
They cannot speak
They cannot change
The future they bring
The Fates will win
But, it is no victory
I’ve asked The Fates
For an inkling
How much longer
Before they cut my string
moirai by pandorasconviction.jpg

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

Two Words

Hold high
My pride
Before I die
I wanted
A little more
I suffered
Less before
Was Reminded
In flashes
Of Kindness
Whip slashes
Two words
Per sentence
Scarred remembrance
Killed us
Lenient perhaps
Stingy with verbs
Two words
All I heard
Too much
Not Forgotten
In mistrust
Stand tall
Shake dust
Refuse all
Incline head
I must
My bed
My mistakes
My heartaches
Offered hand
I Declined
Next time

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For Winter
Lucid, Lose it
My dreamed refuge
From a reality,
Lined too few
Marked face
Puts me out of place
Pink skin still new
Pills yellow, pink
Darker blue
White means
No remembrance
This hindrance
Of a kindred spirit
I did not want
To call friend
So, sleep moved in
Enchanted me
For three long years
I only heard life
From a distance
Children cried
With persistence
I lied, pacified
To go back to sleep
Said whatever
But, pain never went
I was naked, spent
I hibernated
Stored strength
For my Winter
Of discontent
Of mammoth loss
That just won’t end
I feel each pin prick
My life enters bones
As life left yours
Offspring gnaws
Heart clamped jaws
That speak
Yet say nothing
In almighty claws
And make weary
Trudging hills, nothing
God will not hear me
I have to live
Because of deathbed
lies and
When I needed more
Than coercion
When I needed you
Not inertia
When I needed sleep
Left to weep
No escape
It won’t take me
Not pills
Nor deprivation
Not 56 hours
Not red eyes
Not hibernation
Pray determination wins
Wish for mere stings
Of Angel wings
Each Sobbed Inhalation
For my own sake
To feel
To kneel
At His total control
Where prayers are
Finally, Incrementally
It finds me
I smile, Hesitantly
My friend
Still filled with lies
Gifts half hour nightmares
Always your face
My strongest wish
Stays to leave
This place
The pain is unbearable
I thought I knew it
I thought I’d get through it
Aware throughout
My dreams
Highways to insanity
Screaming before
Was merely a shout
Traitorous friend
Bend sleep
Steal time elsewhere
I am awake
I am aware
In an empty stare
But, love me again
I will meet you there
Cover my pain
So I do not care
Fairy Lights by SkyesFantasy

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress


Trees don’t know the wind by name
Only by soft or wild caresses
And lullabys don’t know their author
They become history just the same
Trees dance unasked
They bask in sunshine or rain
And songs are sung
They reassure, and they remain
Even if the origin a mystery
So we put to slumber
As we ourselves once were
While trees endure thunder
And grow despite fire
Become strong rooted and new
Both touch hearts, inspire
The words form foundation
Of a truth we always knew
While God reveals His creation
As both the reason and the strength
The art of words, so powerful
Saturation of a soul filled
With beauty and sleepy lines
Distant wind chimes of childhood safety
And so find rest, infinite times
A voice that carries through eternity
Knowledge that our bonds hold
Pure belief
In magic
And Fairytales
As they enfold
Count not the tragic
Power in simple things
The love been human brings
Your remembered warm breath soothes
A long ago innocent child believes
A magic that’s retained
Far beyond adult stains
As long as my heart can retrieve
As long as my mind can conceive
You will be the magic in my dreams

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Thank You, Love Always

Dear Ex

As I heal I am able to let some hurts go, while some wonderful memories filter through. I find I am able to smile and wish you well. This is not something that has been easy for me in the past. I’ve held onto anger and hurt myself in the process. I find that, when I take time to look around me…….there are pieces of you everywhere. Yes, I miss you in those times. The impact you had in 3 short and very long years will echo on in me until I leave this earth. The deepest hurt you caused simply because I believed in you so much, it seemed the harshest betrayal of all.

I have accepted that you’ve moved on, but I wish I could tell you all the ways that you changed me for the better. Our time together will always be precious to me. A great pity that immense maturity is often only achieved after awful pain (and furious writing). I will love you in my own way, always. The mostest. Be happy. Be well. And…..thank you. For the music and the support. You made me strong enough to cope with the utter devastation I experienced in your absence.

Because of you I still hope……You showed me rainbows,


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