A Soldier’s Birthday

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4am – I guess I’m a day older
Don’t know when
But somehow I’ve folded
When I’m stopped
When I’m locked
In awkward conversation
Why didn’t I turn out amazing
Like they predicted
Instead, I Became afflicted
With the business of life
Became addicted
To a man as his wife
Left success
Left a mess
I can’t fathom a guess
Of my 1st wrong turn
or that worm of concern
Wriggling, In my grave
At the age
At that stage
When I should have been glorious
Or of Shaken fist
victorious
Instead, I ran to hide
And life locked me inside
A vice like grip
or a banged up lip
And my pride stripped
When strength tripped
And I fell once too much
But, I’ve felt the heat
Of the Queen’s seat
I may not be all I wished
With certainty failed
But, Despite all of this
I Remember this detail
The Crown was never mine
I’m doing just fine
If that clock strikes 12
There’s nowhere I need to be
God made only one of me
And then He broke the mold
Predictions are nothing
Just Gambling at a race
I could change many things
But;
Not that look upon your face
Come close, as I whisper
Yes, I guess I’m a day older
I am no Queen, never been

Instead, you made me Soldier

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It Kills Me

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3 perfect scratches
Not made by me
And it kills me
It’s all I see
2 perfect catches
I wish I’d never caught
The lie is comfortable
Though illusion was taught
Reality is I know more about you
By what you don’t say
By what you don’t choose
And even used
At the end of the day
I am content
I am comfortably bent
Yes it kills me
You are all I can see
Your love fills me
And I despise my need
My love kills me
You are the best I’ll ever be…

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Love Or Something Similar

Love, go quickly
Perhaps I won’t feel your passing
No don’t you hit me
My hurt no more yours for the asking
My fingers traced the bruising
My fear asked who did the using
Was it I – though I gave & gave?
Worked my heart into an early grave
Still, I ached to feel you crush me
Fell willingly when you said, “Trust me”.
That first light was blinding
The blood tasted rusty, crusty
My hopes & dreams I gave to the light
My swollen face convinced it was night
Disintegration of laughter
Integration of my screams
Even then they couldn’t drag me away From you
My stupid faith
My belief you were true
As my belly filled & grew
Grope in hope this child is not you
Deliver, forever changed
Your beautiful daughter
17 years too late
Lead myself to the slaughter

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

Safe

Concrete surrounding trees
Birds and lawns and picnic corners
Never used
Bricked in borders
Landscaped fenced mews
Not enjoyed as it should
Even signage annoyed
As if it understood
States: “Keep Out!”
While inside steel enforced gates
The living quietly shout
Doors with codes
Shut closed
Behind you
Shiny and new
The world
Curled
Hurled Away
So stay
In safety
Timed precisely
As we pray
With keys and remotes
That barely jangle
Innocuous entangle
In empty pocketed coats
Before you
Lock it
Block it
A buzzer within
Controls access
Before you begin
Society’s abscess
Denied umpteenth times
Ignorance is kind
Passersby see a fortress
Overstated importance
But,
SAFE
With beautiful views
Through caged windows
And guarded news
No laughing children
Playing in watered gardens
These aging widows
Living their pardons
Seed imagined cauldron
Move curtain in stealth
And 4am candle wick
To save pennies
Of hoarded wealth
Their eyes quick
Miss nothing
Yet, miss it all
You cannot live life
Looking over a wall

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

Snapped on the Wire

I stand on a ledge
Tippy toe fire
Tipped too far over
Snapped on the wire
Bounced back and forth
Sure footing is fought
The price was too high
I snapped on the wire
The moment I was caught
Believing Fairy Tales
Until I stumbled and fell
Into this idealistic haze
This is not my ending
This is not my quiet
‘Til I snapped on the wire
I had never been higher
And death odds require it
It is between you and me
And what I can never be
If I’m saddened by loss
And that I can’t remain
I stay snapping on the wire
As it infiltrates my brain
By snapping this wire
Somehow I am contained
There’s gotta be some spillage
There’s gotta be some work
And if you’re on the other side
Stay there, away from hurt
I never meant to poison
Not from my tomb
Not from my heart
Still I snap at this here wire
Draw in tight to draw apart
No leeway, it is gone
The balance can’t be won
I know I’m falling over
And, have been for so long
Just let me keep on falling
One more Snap, too tightly wired
And at last, I will be done
One last snap, I am so tired

http://www.moonipulations.com

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

Awake

Awake
For Winter
Lucid, Lose it
My dreamed refuge
From a reality,
Laughter
Lined too few
Marked face
Puts me out of place
Pink skin still new
Pills yellow, pink
Darker blue
White means
No remembrance
This hindrance
Of a kindred spirit
I did not want
To call friend
So, sleep moved in
Enchanted me
For three long years
I only heard life
From a distance
Children cried
With persistence
I lied, pacified
To go back to sleep
Said whatever
But, pain never went
I was naked, spent
I hibernated
Stored strength
For my Winter
Of discontent
Of mammoth loss
That just won’t end
Awake
I feel each pin prick
My life enters bones
As life left yours
Offspring gnaws
Heart clamped jaws
That speak
Yet say nothing
In almighty claws
And make weary
Trudging hills, nothing
God will not hear me
I have to live
Because of deathbed
Promises
Goodbyes
lies and
Desertion
When I needed more
Than coercion
When I needed you
Not inertia
When I needed sleep
Instead,
Left to weep
No escape
It won’t take me
Not pills
Nor deprivation
Not 56 hours
Not red eyes
Not hibernation
Pray determination wins
Wish for mere stings
Of Angel wings
Awake
Each Sobbed Inhalation
For my own sake
To feel
To kneel
Sublimation
At His total control
Where prayers are
Useless
Finally, Incrementally
It finds me
I smile, Hesitantly
My friend
Still filled with lies
Gifts half hour nightmares
Always your face
My strongest wish
Stays to leave
This place
The pain is unbearable
Incomparable
I thought I knew it
I thought I’d get through it
Awake
Aware throughout
My dreams
Highways to insanity
Screaming before
Was merely a shout
Traitorous friend
Bend sleep
Steal time elsewhere
I am awake
I am aware
Oblivion
In an empty stare
But, love me again
I will meet you there
Cover my pain
So I do not care

http://www.nikkiboruch.com
Fairy Lights by SkyesFantasy

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

Mourn

She left a note
Now tattered,
read beyond worn
Now scattered,
hurt beyond the norm
She left with no hope
One cold winter Morn;
with not a thought
….to those who may mourn
She left her truth
She left guilt to be borne…..

There were tears from her Mother
There to mourn her loss
A tear from a Mother
cares not about the cost
The tears from her brother
Big man shook like thunder
Then tears from her sisters;
those seem cold;
so long they’ve missed her
The bonds already old
There were tears from her babies
Those born, forlorn or torn
Then the tears from her friends;
Of betrayal, guilt at ends

But the tears from her lover
Those were saddest,
can you see?
He believed in forever….
Yet, she……..
Could only find peace in free

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

Boots

Feel?
Nothing
I earned
I am Deserving
Boots with heels
Taller, stronger
What woman feels
Spurned
Rejected
So wrath
Your power steals
Ignores, and
Condones None
Boots with heels
Transform from Mother
Sit silently, smother
I’m done
Not Conflicted
Not Restricted
These boots with heels
Take strides, not steps
Taking a ride
What’s left?
These boots aren’t made for talking
And I ain’t taking ’em off

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

Twice Tricked

You sat sulking in a corner
Like a child
Something denied
You counted all my faults
Yet never included how I cried
Or how I waited
Or what we created
Until it was done
When you came
You asked for one more day
So you could understand the goodbye
Well, when I asked for the same
Your silence told me everything
You wouldn’t even try
Do you still sulk
These many miles away
Still dabble in flame
As if I’m still there to tame
I know I did the wishing
I know I wove the spell
Love spell too tight
Gave us too many years to fight
Made us hang on despite tears
We were breaking, broke and broken
Still, my love spell kept you close
For me it didn’t matter,
I always loved you most
So, I undid it true
On a full blue moon
Didn’t know I gave her you
Dug it out and unwrapped
The Red ribbon of our start
I burned it, chanted released
And, gave you back your heart
So convinced it was the right path
I felt loved, but differently
Thought it time for my life to begin
Now, too late, I realize
I gave your freedom too soon
I am stuck, distracted, howling, crawling
I’d missed all warning
And chose a man not you
I chose a man not true
The moon
Bound, rewound
Affected me too
My heart will never be the same
If my life started when you came
It ended when I let you go again
My lessons say I must wish you well
How does that work
If I’m stuck in hell
Twice deserted, tricked
I was tempted, that I know
It didn’t have to end
I can plead I didn’t know
By then you were both not friend
Ignorance is no excuse
It is my burden, if I’m honest
Born of ancient knowledge
I knew what I was doing
And when the moon is full
My fingers itch……
but I ignore them

Photo, with thanks, by Anthony Guebels

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

Burnt Bridges

Don’t burn your bridges
Until you’re sure
You don’t intend
To come this way again
Burned bridges have no floor
And sure footing is lost
Burned bridges are never the same
Be sure you won’t need to cross
I see the edges, smoldering
While pathways welcome frost
Time heals hearts
Hurt words are forgotten
But in ruined paths
Remorseful discourse is impossible
You may stray one day
Come back this way
You would be a stranger
Crossing will be improbable
I won’t know you, not even in anger
Be careful what you burn
On your way out of my life
One day you will learn
That even hurtful I was right
Don’t trash in a tantrum
What always kept you strong
Don’t do this……..
What if you’re wrong?
I refuse to rebuild, I’m tired see?
I move forward, what’s gone is gone
I will still be fulfilled, that’s just me

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

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