Hindsight is 20/20

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I wrote a hundred words for breakfast
Prettied my heart on a plate
You declined it,
So many times more
Quick to anger and complicate
But that’s before
A lifetime ago,
Whatever, now, you think you know
I’ll deny that I kept score
I’ve learned to let go of hate
Only I regret I wasted wishes
On a love devoid of kisses
Though I may revert
When I sit alone to greet the dawn
My memories do not hurt
My heart and mind do reconcile
Like my glasses upon the bed
Moments gone now forever
And years washed from my lifeline
When eyes had no need for forever
When with no difficulty
I could read every line
A bill, a poem or a letter
With clarity now, is how I see
Grateful tears hastened maturity
When you began to forget me
Now the poems that I write
Are for me, are of night
Or;
Of sunshine and light
And the days that I am alone?
These, they are my relief,
They say hindsight is 20/20
I guess that’s also my belief
My vision somehow is complete
Is of time, mind and heart
I am not opposed,
As the story goes
Of these things that make up sight
In acceptance comes a beauty
And, I am seldom now contrite
I have done my duty,
I have lived the gift of my life

Self-Managed

I slept on the floor, in the lounge –
Too much you all around
I waited for the phone, perhaps your key
There’s no-one home, Its always only me
And, so I learned not to bother you
Not to care what it is you do
You stayed away
I cried each day
That was my first door
Crutch gone, see me fall
I made it to the kitchen
I slept in minutes
Dramatic increments
That came with waves of a shot glass
My long hair hung lank
My body stank, of before
When I kissed you,
The last, and; body betrayed
‘Cos even my broken scream stayed
Bounced around, while
I Sat in the corner
Blackened feet on the table
Eyes bleached grey destroyer
I did as much as I was able
I sat until another day went away
My eyes seeking a savior
Didn’t go out
Didn’t shout
The hatred built like euphoria
I said, “Remember this…”
A thousand times
I said, “No goodbye kiss..”
A thousand lies
I said, “You did this…”
A thousand tries
Still, only emptiness beside me
None to hold within these arms
Just the same as it will always be
The same as it always was
Can’t conceive how I held on
All this time that you’ve been gone

The Battle is Real

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The wind carried a stench
Charred meat turned
My heart you would not eat
Salty air lingers
Caresses my cheek
I cannot move
Zombie eyes and fingers
Twitch
Heat that puts me to sleep
Itch
Of words I cannot speak
The distant death bell clatters
I am not my intention
The outcome is all that matters
Sporadic giggle in hyena vowels
Of love I could not save
Drill the path to hellish bowels
Acidic turned sacred mountain
Beneath an ancient dust
Yet ~ Move my feet I must
Numb with disbelief
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South Africa, Home

I was born the blonde of Big Bay sands
My eyes blue, with remembered tears
Cornrows of wheat strands
Where warriors stood atop Devil’s peak
And all knew the language I speak
I sang remembrance in a drum beat
And ushered in the sunrise
My fists curled as I raized the sun
With Zulu spear and thong
My ancestral home, Cradle of Mankind
This is where I belong
If you look toward the rainbow
And hear every colour in a song
The people I love are everywhere I go
Amid generations of Mother ululation
A new world built from ashes
Formed glorious in creation
With a mountain backdrop
Protea landfills and graceful Springbok
Where rock worn waves crash
In pride that will never stop
The rush of Rugby and Cricket
The regeneration of aloe and love
Betting on handshakes and Acacia
The Big Five, gold, diamond mining
Heat that enfolds me close
Coal fed with dreaded timing
Ever hardened I flower Cacti
Arid splinters, rough heeled I chose
to hold back the sea that brings flood
While salted eyes fix in prayer above
Inhaled scented centuries of blood
Spilled when I walked barefoot
Across the Sub Sahara plains
My soul at peace understood
These my footprints are the stains
As my home turned and returned
We are all just human remains
Our lessons too well learned
This is my heart and in it I see Forever
I aim for the highest peak
This is our land, we live it together
Breadth as wide as it is deep
This is our home, we will make it better
‘Til honeyed fields our children greet
South Africa, Home
Umuzi, Tuiste, Kediaman ~ Ikhaya

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

The Universe

Alive.
The Universe has mothered me,
used me, tested me, orphaned
me, disappointed me, helped me grow and appreciate, taught me about
loss, hurt me, exalted me,
shown me people who are
precious and those who are
cruel. I’ve lived, facilitated,
worked, learned, delighted in wondrous things, nurtured,
listened and hidden away. I’ve
fought demons and been
embraced by Angels. Now I’m
awake again. The Universe will
notice and It will call upon me..
My heart is tender, my No
louder, my Yes Prouder. Here I
am: Alive. Bless Me!

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

Heavy

Heavy
So many secrets, in my head
Sift through these lies
To a Truth
I Spoonfed
Too many tears
While I held you tight
In need of calm
A place to rest my head
Just for a night
Because;
These secrets,
they are heavy now
Drag me down
Wipe sweat from my brow
Your burden is not mine
So, I give it back to you
It is your turn
To sift through what is ruined
Know this is the last time
I will take your secret
And; make it mine
Without your secrets
I avoid a thousand land mines
Because,
I survived too many
Was made canny, made devine
My nine lives dwindle
Quickly
And; always pressed for time
Be careful, handle gently
Pressed lips avoid attack
They are quite heavy
So,
I Thank you for taking them back

Photo Courtesy:
http://www.paulbondart.com/paintings/TheProposal_Large.jpg

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

The Grey Mother

I am the Grey Mother
Don’t want to see your face
Your smile like paste – hides teeth
That bite at the world
At my womb
At my soul
You knock and I won’t open
I shut it, even with one foot in the door
My Motherhood splayed, for all to see
On the floor, in the street – be discreet
While you take more and then more
Like some score I’m not aware of
Until the tree of me
Does not exist in this life
And, I pray for none in the next
I pat myself, say I did my best
Yet lock windows and doors
And now I don’t invest
Motherhood – you broke me
Think I misunderstood
Motherhood – let go of me
I’d cry, now all I am is wood

Photo Credit:
Mother Nature by Daborien
Wolf by Susan Boulet

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

The 1st Rose

The dinner was long and lazy
Wine sipped
Eyes rested on each other
I watched your lips as you spoke
Your hands as you expressed yourself
Big hands, veins meeting strong wrists
A sports watch and fine arm hair
Your passion for everyday things
You reached over to touch my hand
Your honesty
Tried making me understand
Who you are
I didn’t move
Though muscles tensed to stand
Run from this
Instead, I watched you
Grey eyes pierced blue
I wondered
Where will this go
Would I beg you to stay
One day
Your fingers made circles
Ever outward
I saw you notice my scars
You asked, “Did it hurt..?”
I just smiled and shook my head
Told my story before
And promised never again
After dinner and wine’s warm glow
You said, “You’re so easygoing…”
Guess you’d have no way of knowing
The conversation not spoken, flowing
Ready to leave
You held my hand
Walked to the car
You tried a soft kiss
I moved my head to the side
You got my neck, you missed
My hands on your chest
You pulled me close
Somewhere in between
There was an awkward hug
Said, “You smell amazing….”
I lit a cigarette
It’s what I do
When I watch you watch me
While I watch you
My hair tied up tightly
I set it free, with one twist
You tried again for my lips
As if it were the only way
To end a date
I kissed you lightly
And said let’s go
You hesitated
Unsure
Guess you felt frustrated
But
You were already under my skin
I love your body
I wanted a tour
Long lean legs in jeans
Toned arms under your shirt
Black hair and Guilty by Gucci
The essence of a man
I would take you because I can
You’d allow what I demand
I wouldn’t be so alone
For a time
I said, instead
Please take me home
I saw the rejection hit you
You will never know
I saved you from my bed
Said, “You’re a sweet guy, but no…..”
With acceptance you said,
“I understand, yes…..let’s go…”

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

Safe

Concrete surrounding trees
Birds and lawns and picnic corners
Never used
Bricked in borders
Landscaped fenced mews
Not enjoyed as it should
Even signage annoyed
As if it understood
States: “Keep Out!”
While inside steel enforced gates
The living quietly shout
Doors with codes
Shut closed
Behind you
Shiny and new
The world
Curled
Hurled Away
So stay
In safety
Timed precisely
As we pray
With keys and remotes
That barely jangle
Innocuous entangle
In empty pocketed coats
Before you
Lock it
Block it
A buzzer within
Controls access
Before you begin
Society’s abscess
Denied umpteenth times
Ignorance is kind
Passersby see a fortress
Overstated importance
But,
SAFE
With beautiful views
Through caged windows
And guarded news
No laughing children
Playing in watered gardens
These aging widows
Living their pardons
Seed imagined cauldron
Move curtain in stealth
And 4am candle wick
To save pennies
Of hoarded wealth
Their eyes quick
Miss nothing
Yet, miss it all
You cannot live life
Looking over a wall

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

I got Two (Part Three)

We
Hear
Stories
Of
Your
New Life
It frightens me
How easily
You’re tied to
A new wife
Do I believe
That you’ve been truthful
Is it accepted
Or were you deceptive
And
What’s important
Is
She’s
Not
Neglected
Reconcile
Two
Of you
And me
I do
And I did
Freed
They don’t
Care
Or wish
To be
Aware
That she agreed
To marry you
Your new
Family
And
Sensitivity
A lie
Their Goodbye
Firm
Confirm
A refusal
To cry
They learn
From the best
I am Mother
They come
Home
To rest

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

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