Self-Managed

I slept on the floor, in the lounge –
Too much you all around
I waited for the phone, perhaps your key
There’s no-one home, Its always only me
And, so I learned not to bother you
Not to care what it is you do
You stayed away
I cried each day
That was my first door
Crutch gone, see me fall
I made it to the kitchen
I slept in minutes
Dramatic increments
That came with waves of a shot glass
My long hair hung lank
My body stank, of before
When I kissed you,
The last, and; body betrayed
‘Cos even my broken scream stayed
Bounced around, while
I Sat in the corner
Blackened feet on the table
Eyes bleached grey destroyer
I did as much as I was able
I sat until another day went away
My eyes seeking a savior
Didn’t go out
Didn’t shout
The hatred built like euphoria
I said, “Remember this…”
A thousand times
I said, “No goodbye kiss..”
A thousand lies
I said, “You did this…”
A thousand tries
Still, only emptiness beside me
None to hold within these arms
Just the same as it will always be
The same as it always was
Can’t conceive how I held on
All this time that you’ve been gone

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Dreamcatcher – Put Sadness to Bed

Early Hours.
Vision blurs
My eyes as tired as my heart
And each time they close
Nightmare stirs
And I’m drowning in the dark
Reality lays next to me
Plays with my hair
That 3am infant, colic despair
With coaxing I’m coping
I accept an all nighter
And wrap blanket tighter
My 4am friend, intention pretend
To listen and advise
Understanding mindless surprise
In whispers seems somehow wise
My 5am lover, a dreamy affair
The itch begins, goes nowhere
Beneath my skin,
It squirms remembered him
My 6am Mother, lovingly covers
And encapsulates decades in lock box
Hums soothing drowns…..softly
Infant, lover or friend
She Says sleep now memory
As she puts sadness to bed…..

Photos Courtesy of:
dream_catcher_meehoo_by tomatocrunch.deviantart.com
insomnia_by_nova63-gwendolin1~deviantart.com

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

Awake

Awake
For Winter
Lucid, Lose it
My dreamed refuge
From a reality,
Laughter
Lined too few
Marked face
Puts me out of place
Pink skin still new
Pills yellow, pink
Darker blue
White means
No remembrance
This hindrance
Of a kindred spirit
I did not want
To call friend
So, sleep moved in
Enchanted me
For three long years
I only heard life
From a distance
Children cried
With persistence
I lied, pacified
To go back to sleep
Said whatever
But, pain never went
I was naked, spent
I hibernated
Stored strength
For my Winter
Of discontent
Of mammoth loss
That just won’t end
Awake
I feel each pin prick
My life enters bones
As life left yours
Offspring gnaws
Heart clamped jaws
That speak
Yet say nothing
In almighty claws
And make weary
Trudging hills, nothing
God will not hear me
I have to live
Because of deathbed
Promises
Goodbyes
lies and
Desertion
When I needed more
Than coercion
When I needed you
Not inertia
When I needed sleep
Instead,
Left to weep
No escape
It won’t take me
Not pills
Nor deprivation
Not 56 hours
Not red eyes
Not hibernation
Pray determination wins
Wish for mere stings
Of Angel wings
Awake
Each Sobbed Inhalation
For my own sake
To feel
To kneel
Sublimation
At His total control
Where prayers are
Useless
Finally, Incrementally
It finds me
I smile, Hesitantly
My friend
Still filled with lies
Gifts half hour nightmares
Always your face
My strongest wish
Stays to leave
This place
The pain is unbearable
Incomparable
I thought I knew it
I thought I’d get through it
Awake
Aware throughout
My dreams
Highways to insanity
Screaming before
Was merely a shout
Traitorous friend
Bend sleep
Steal time elsewhere
I am awake
I am aware
Oblivion
In an empty stare
But, love me again
I will meet you there
Cover my pain
So I do not care

http://www.nikkiboruch.com
Fairy Lights by SkyesFantasy

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

In Your World?

My love,
I have dreamed of you. I don’t think I know you now, but you’ve held me. During lucid dreams, I feel your arms around me and I am calmed. I feel its texture, warmth and I know you are strong and tanned. I know that you are waiting for me and I dream of you next to me. I have turned to you in my sleep. I have felt you next to me – felt reassured and in that way fall asleep again. You are of water, strength and calm. Your breath is warm. You love me intensely and protectively. You are frustrated – as I am, that we are still apart. What does fate expect of me, if you have my heart?
Who are you? Where are you? How do I find you? You are aware of me, though not like I am of you. You are not of my country. You are fair, though dark from sun and trees and the sea. I want to know you. I feel cheated. I am rescued by you in dreams, now I have become the rescuer and you only advise. Maybe it is too late? Maybe I knew you before this life. And, just maybe, we will meet in the next one. It explains much, the searching….the failure. I am done. You are the one.

Picture Courtesy:
Oleg Korolev korelia.blogspot.com
Slavic Fantasy Dreams

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

In Dreams

Vivid these people & places
Where I’ve been
That I’ve seen
While I slept
And on awakening
I long to get
Back
Lost babies and toddlers
Mothers gone
But mine alive
In my alternate Universe
Where you survived
Where the water is crisp
Blue
And Winter has not come
My son speaks
Adorable lisp
And I have someone
Close
And I’m gifted things
Awake imagination
Can’t contemplate
Oh how I hate
Been taken away
From the sleep state
Where I get
To see you
And share magic
Of meeting myself
Again
At 21
And, my photo taken
Gorgeous baskets
Of delight
That I brought home
To you
And you were happy
Sandalwood
Still your favorite
That alternate me
Is doing what I should
I’m so reassured I could
Even if not here
Even if not real
It is solid enough
Thank you
For letting me see you
& Me
In a place
Where we are happy

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress