Benevolent

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I feel wronged
And, I have wronged you, too
Me ~ Taken advantage of
Chewed and spat out
Not to their liking
A touch too exotic
A touch too bothersome
And, so easy to let go
Scapegoat ~ easily nothing beneath their feet
This flesh aged by No
These wrinkles my severance
Those punches came as handshakes
They came to inspire
Then when I dared disagree
They came harder and higher
Little educated bites of shame
So, when I shut my mouth
When with quiet dignity took blame
While they wore suits…
and brandished their big names
In court rooms
And boardrooms
And bedrooms
I betrayed you, Women
I could not stay you
Now you hate me
This disillusion filled spite monger
because I dare You,
Stand!
As I could not
Speak!
Shout the Freedom I won for you
Rage the injustice
Those hushed orders issued
After long days in pseudo gratitude ~ Gone!
For a wage that fed
For the family you’d tend
While the soul ran red
For fist slammed on desk
…to show authority
For his shouted superiority
Whose?
No quiet acceptance
No more
No nodding, no agreeing
Yes, it is our benevolent light…
And; I say:
Fight for your voice
Raise it
For your fortitude
You made it
For your daughter
So save her
Fight for yourself
Fight before God
Fight for what is right
Or, all you have is the start
of ĺittle deaths, over and over
…then debilitating ones ~
…then Hope dies &
when that goes, fall…

…as fight l🌹eaves the soul
And then…too late.
Because child; you are Me…
And, We
And fight fears night
The righteousness silenced
By too many swallowed words
By the quietness of violence
And; ultimately our God betrayed
Women ~ We have always prayed
Stand Tall, Speak Loudly, Defended
We are glorious, we are as God Intended

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Touching Magic

I am not of this world
My fists unfurl
And nights hold wonder
I am not of this world
I cannot hold anger
I cannot linger
Any longer
Than necessary
Enchanted
By the beauty of beat
Under my feet
I move above the ground
Though searched
And never found
A promised love
Enchanted
Nevertheless
By these people I meet
In and out the street
Where I grew up
Enchanted
I confess
Even with little magic
Even with a God
Who does not answer
I believe
Sight only imagined
But, I’ve felt His hand
In words I speak
I am crushed
Beneath
Huge banners and purity peak
Still enchanted
By this hope in me
I wish too loudly
And it broke free
I let it be
and still sigh at a moon full
Cry when my womb died
When I loved too soon
And had to release
Enchanted, perhaps
A bit less so
Now that I know
that magic is old
It has no boundary
Except those we seek
I close my eyes
Enchanted, ancient
These arms too patient
And at crossroads
As the blood flows
And the land snows
Me in, me out, me under
Above the cords of thunder
Enchanted, remain
With me forever
This is a stain
A type of love and lover
I am not of this world
If with this love I cover
Your every sin and blunder
Enchanted
By the time
I was here
You were near
My dance partner
Bare footed and protected
By magic and ever after

This Woman, Human

I’ve Heard many things
Sugar and spice,
all things nice
The smile this brings
The female of the species is a snake
Or perhaps she’s sometimes fake
I think she sheds her skin
Allows strength from within
Behind every great man is a great woman
But beware what the shrew has brewing
Mother, Nurturer, Sister, daughter
Friend – This is woman, human
I’ve heard hell hath no fury
Like a woman scorned
What did you expect,
if she wasn’t warned
Bitch, loose, lazy, manipulative, vacuous – This is woman, human
She wasn’t born innocuous
The Women I’ve known are stronger
Than most of you
Your words are cruel, no doubt
But she waits no longer
For approval, she may shout
Out of windows, or her child’s name
Women hurt, they change
They cannot stay the same
Yet, first to lay blame
Upon her own shoulders
Whore, puritan, dreamer, mistaken, loyal, This is woman, human
Women line up like well trained soldiers
Like the war is real, rages
Across failure and successful stages
Alike, Head held high
Proud of tears, and released sigh
These women I’ve known
All my life
She picks it up, knits it, binds it, repairs it, cares for it.
Humble or alone, they call it home
Warrior, nurse, lover, broken, whole,
This is Woman, Human
Cut off from the world
I forget I am woman,
Breathe deeply, fists unfurl
It doesn’t ease the tension
Words do not come,
I’m Relieved, they can’t be undone
Thoughts, so angry still
Leave life for a moment
And the hurts I cannot mention
I have lost all connection
And that’s the hardest part
When I return to here
When I remember to remember
I acknowledge this false start
Take a knife, scratch at the stain
It bleeds angry red, pulses in bursts
I admit I place the blame
I admit it covers shame
I try to dice these hurts
Make Manageable memories
Bite sized contrite slices
Then swallow the hollow
Hiccup on these hindrances
Remove these insane instances
I try to Repair these wounds
But, I’m Too raw, to slow….
Too soon for no more
To Remove these cushions
Of blood and bone and heart
To Remove…..You
Knowing, I’m alone, I remove me too
Whatever I deny now
I lose in the insistence of why
To remove cloak of invisibility
To remember that you see
My Discrepancy
To know I will never again be
The light you give her
When I return to here
When I remember to remember
I hate, I miss, I regret
So for one more day, I forget

Animal is Female – Did you know?

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Change is coming
It rides without mercy
Like apocalyptic horses
Foaming with surety
I’ll be running
I’ll be turning
Always
I welcome the hurting
I usher in the night .
This cataclysmic burning
Breathed deeply
Finally I am learning
Even a tamed dog
Can incite her Master
You didn’t spare the rod
And now I come faster
I bite the hand that strikes
And; growl my laughter

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Pretty

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I should pretend
Pretty in lipstick & rouge
Because
I said
It doesn’t matter to me
And you are excused
I cannot love you
Anyway
I floundered – did some crazy shit
When I was waking up
And, I did not realise it
Growth in crazy stops & starts
Made me bolder
Careless with others hearts
Selfish after selflessness
An adjustment I still welcome
After too many lonely nights
Bad luck cornered denied sun
Made me colder
Until Summer just a euphemism
For feeling warm
And satisfaction no surfeit
In a morsel of bread
In never feeling fed
Made me lonelier
Than an empty bed
Anywhere to lay my head
For a time
Longing for a home
That died in that flood
When the storm shook me
And forsaken all, freed me
Took everyone left to need me
When even God believed
And gave me legs that walk
And eyes to see
And a mouth that could talk
If only
To take me
Away
If only
To teach me
To stay
Some lessons
Not meant
To be learned
This way
But, it matters
And you have no right
To love me
If intention only a minute
It matters you know I’m right

I matter ~
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And I am worth the fight

A type of Happiness

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I have no secrets, he said
And turned his head
I have the type of honesty
That ensures hurting
I have the type of face
That says hit, I won’t hit back
I caught his eye
I understood the liar
I accepted what I saw
Naked need stripped raw
So Forgive me, I touched fire
There is strength in weakness
In acknowledging your truth
In a quiet storm
That rushes the trees
And abates when they are torn
If you understand rain
And love it anyway
If you accept that pain
Cannot win and cannot stay
You learn to live the moment
You learn to abide the lie
You learn to dwell in happiness
And not to question why

Finding Jesus

For I know the plans I have for you. declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. — Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV).

He said, “I pray you find Jesus..!”
While on his I-Phone
Climbed into his new car
Drove to his smart home
Ate his supper
Kissed his wife
2 children’s laughter
A happy Life
I said, “I pray Jesus finds you..!”
I was all alone
Nobody to kiss
No place to call home
Forgive the poor sinner
Who thinks he knows best
I have Faith in tomorrow
I count myself Blessed
To give having nothing
The ultimate Test

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

South Africa, Home

I was born the blonde of Big Bay sands
My eyes blue, with remembered tears
Cornrows of wheat strands
Where warriors stood atop Devil’s peak
And all knew the language I speak
I sang remembrance in a drum beat
And ushered in the sunrise
My fists curled as I raized the sun
With Zulu spear and thong
My ancestral home, Cradle of Mankind
This is where I belong
If you look toward the rainbow
And hear every colour in a song
The people I love are everywhere I go
Amid generations of Mother ululation
A new world built from ashes
Formed glorious in creation
With a mountain backdrop
Protea landfills and graceful Springbok
Where rock worn waves crash
In pride that will never stop
The rush of Rugby and Cricket
The regeneration of aloe and love
Betting on handshakes and Acacia
The Big Five, gold, diamond mining
Heat that enfolds me close
Coal fed with dreaded timing
Ever hardened I flower Cacti
Arid splinters, rough heeled I chose
to hold back the sea that brings flood
While salted eyes fix in prayer above
Inhaled scented centuries of blood
Spilled when I walked barefoot
Across the Sub Sahara plains
My soul at peace understood
These my footprints are the stains
As my home turned and returned
We are all just human remains
Our lessons too well learned
This is my heart and in it I see Forever
I aim for the highest peak
This is our land, we live it together
Breadth as wide as it is deep
This is our home, we will make it better
‘Til honeyed fields our children greet
South Africa, Home
Umuzi, Tuiste, Kediaman ~ Ikhaya

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

Hope

“While there’s life, there’s hope.” ― Cicero

Nothing kills hope quicker than inaction, the mere thought of DOING energizes the soul. Creates a barrier between the unbearable and the ability to cope.

I’ve always had a type of awe at the tenacity and formidable regeneration of the human spirit. As we grow older we learn that life will crush us, it will try to break us, it will daunt us, but still we overcome. We lose the very people closest to us, people leave, they destroy, they abandon; still we persevere.

Sometimes the very act of waking up is a triumph – I will always believe that. I will be 1st to admit that I have wanted to end my existence, when surrender was the more attractive option. Moments of such despair that we cannot conceive healing or success. When we react with prayer that comes from a rawness in our soul, we pray and call on our true Father, while tears flow, because we know we are helpless without Him.

Ah, but then the moments of bliss….in the rising of the sun, in my friends and the quiet strength they lend when needed, in my sisters and the complete acceptance we have of each other…flaws included. My children and their capacity to break my heart and to fill it, simultaneously. In the kindness of strangers and the strangeness of kindness – I am so small next to such immense humanity.

Even the purity of hurt that losing my Mother brought was a type of blessing, because with that came a deeper wisdom and a greater appreciation for just how fortunate we were to have her in the 1st place. God is funny like that, don’t you think? Just when we want to shout at Him and throw tantrums because the hurt is unbearable, He sends a rainbow – a friend, a sunrise, a loaf of bread, laughter.

God Bless you readers, my friends, my family. May He gift you your heart’s desires, but more than this, may He gift you Hope.

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001