Are you done now?
Did you tame the beast?
Find yourself somehow?
Looking West and travelling East
Stop this insanity
Stop the self-destruction
You are a walking calamity
A talking reduction
Of what you hoped & dreamed
Looking for love
In all the wrong places
You’re pushy, you shove
Connecting with no one
Lost in faces
Brittle and abrasive
Find a mirror
Connect please do
You’re killing me
You have my eyes
But I don’t recognise you




Breathed inhaled salted water
Choked the broken
Crazed honesty slaughter
Exhaled expunged the lie
You never loved me
And lied about why
Tasted textured tears
That filled seas
Declared: you will be alone
You determined those fears
And so deny devotion
Killed while passionately caressed
Know it was my soul ultimate
You intimately undressed
Until I stood naked
In every way
Exposed bared and vulnerable
I wished for you to stay
But if ever I was a beggar
Then I have forgotten how
It’s my pride you want to own
I leave you to your afflictions
And solemnly make this vow
I will walk alone
I will never bend
I will never turn
You will remember me
And the memory will burn
Whatever lesson you’re teaching
You gave me doubt
You left me needy
Here is the love
Your cruel & unusual punishment
I can do without
I will not lie for you
I will not kneel
I will not be trained
It’s from yourself you steal
Desired but not forgiving
Until humiliation came humbling
Until nothing remains
But love without the loving
Never Again ~ But, I loved you
And that’s something


20 May 2016 ~ Remember

Come into my parlour


Come into my parlour
Said the girl to the guy
A need to feel some magic
Defeating what was shy
A little bit old fashioned
She blushed when he stepped in
But certain when he kissed her
Her parlour was ripe for sin
So she extended invitation
Knowing what she knew
She opted for relevation
And didn’t care about the view
There’s no place for modesty
If she’ll claw and bite and scratch
Honey you will realise
You’ve more than met your match



I am always afraid
Nerve-endings shatter like fragments
Pieces of “I cannot..”
Shards of “I am lost..”
I hide in the caverns
Of my being
Huge holes of nothing
Cloaked in unseen
Pulled to your presence
This deviance
Lends mindless incoherence
I am hidden
In love incredible
Movement almost invisible
Like fleas on black
Still, I heard your whispering
As loud as the ocean’s twilight
Waves of words
In a whisper room highlight
Like Florence harnessed
Creation within a twisted mind
I gasp at overheard
Shocked you are so unkind
The good that you have bartered
Is absent now you’re blind
I stood quietly
I gleaned every word
You need to know
How low you go
You were never cleared
In searching you are not special
You are only spit and polish
The phantasm incurred
Demolish demeaned derision
I see you and you’re wild
Made one more wrong decision
Heartfelt and idealized
The hurts that remained
Until the day I realized
You are savage, you are brittle
Love has not outlived time
You explain, but it means little
Worse you were never kind
Though you come to me
The largest bite of my youth
I step away so I can see
That you remain my unbearable truth

“Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay
To mould me Man, did I solicit thee
From darkness to promote me?” John Milton – Paradise Lost

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress © 2001

Snapped on the Wire

I stand on a ledge
Tippy toe fire
Tipped too far over
Snapped on the wire
Bounced back and forth
Sure footing is fought
The price was too high
I snapped on the wire
The moment I was caught
Believing Fairy Tales
Until I stumbled and fell
Into this idealistic haze
This is not my ending
This is not my quiet
‘Til I snapped on the wire
I had never been higher
And death odds require it
It is between you and me
And what I can never be
If I’m saddened by loss
And that I can’t remain
I stay snapping on the wire
As it infiltrates my brain
By snapping this wire
Somehow I am contained
There’s gotta be some spillage
There’s gotta be some work
And if you’re on the other side
Stay there, away from hurt
I never meant to poison
Not from my tomb
Not from my heart
Still I snap at this here wire
Draw in tight to draw apart
No leeway, it is gone
The balance can’t be won
I know I’m falling over
And, have been for so long
Just let me keep on falling
One more Snap, too tightly wired
And at last, I will be done
One last snap, I am so tired

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

Heart Broken

I made you hard
I changed your world
Now you’re unfeeling
I took your heart
You said you gave it
I gave it back
You said no returns
But, gave mine back too
It was useless, we knew
Back and forth
As we got better at this game
At its most basic
Neither of us
Could ever be the same
I tried, you won’t believe
I’ve cried, didn’t want to live
You had me
Check mate
This time my card
Was filled with hate
You took back your heart
And now carry no blame
You’ve made a new start
Told me, do the same
You left without
Giving back mine
You said you did
It will reflect, given time
Its been a year
I’m not functioning
I cannot wrap my head
Somehow I’m not calculating
I read your stars
I try to guess your happiness
I played our game too long
There is something gone
I can’t help, but miss
Its frightening
I Listen to our song
Its heartbreaking
So, I admit you were right
I do have my heart
But, its useless to me
Since we’ve been apart

Pictures Courtesy of
Hearts by ~ Rachey-Roo
Heart Broken by Sweet Hooligan

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

1, 2 Skip a Few ~ 99, 100

1, 2 skip a few 99..100

I wrote furiously;
Taking back my words
Each sentence a nail in love coffin
I took you seriously,
Though now it seems absurd to me
Yearning woman tried love
Once too often
You said I was all your plans
You said you wouldn’t hurt,
no matter my demands,
you’d never do me dirt…
You said you understood
And even broken you’d stick around
You promised to protect
Yet; somehow let me down
I said you are my last
I wouldn’t take another
That my heartache would feed my need and lead for me to smother
I couldn’t accept your love
But; insistent you became
In game you climbed floors & walls & thorns — to get to me;
To set me free and let me be……
Seemed you tried so hard,
So yes, I gave my heart.
My words, devotion ~ total trust
You said; ‘It’s ok; it’s for both of us’.
Now, I find I’m alone at night
When love’s day is done..
And sky my only light
Extinguished; Relinquished
Stupidly I perceive
Now, you’re gone forever, lies so
ill conceived
Bereaved, my heart; so close
Lose key, or persuasion in
Mourning’s rose
Lose me, to salvation; to my
Last Rope….
Forever after, now I’m my only
One word deleted, becomes a thousand
And, that is how I’ll cope….

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

Here Lies Lying (R.I.P)

(Warning: Adult Theme)

You say I got you confused
You say “I love you”
You say many things, some of them are used
You say “I was Killing time,
she meant nothing!”
Are you Divine?
That endearments from your lips can choose when they are lying?
Words said to me,
Count not when said to her?
You say “You are my everything!”
You seemed once so sincere
You squander words, the dirtied pure, lay here on my floor
I hear you, but…I feel you no more
You say I wasn’t around,
When you lost yourself?
Were you underground?
Did you crossover?
Or just cross yourself?
Penitent Lover, you were untrue
My prayers fail because of you
You say she means nothing,
An itch to scratch. Bored… just exchanged hardware.
Did you tell her that,
when she made you hard everywhere?
I read, “You stimulate me, in more ways than one.”
I think she believed you,
I know I would have done.
That nails didn’t scar, is only space
And that’s fine, its just such a waste
Comprehend, before pressing send
And hear things you said
I know what I know and what I’ve seen
And I dream I am her in between,
She said, “Do you want to fuck me or get in my head?”
You typed, ‘Ah…cocktease, I’d fuck you all night!’
Still, you think to make this right?
You said “I only want what’s real.”
You said “You are all I feel..”
Yet play games so we suffer loss
One day find real too much cost
Only you will reach crescendo
Lonely you and screamed innuendo
My only question is:
If you see me, and you’re asked:
“Who is she?’
Please don’t let your reply be,
“She is nobody….”
Admit lie to me,
Forget you were mine
And say,
“I was only killing time.”
Unearthed, again play
Tombstone: “here lies lying”

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Twice Tricked

You sat sulking in a corner
Like a child
Something denied
You counted all my faults
Yet never included how I cried
Or how I waited
Or what we created
Until it was done
When you came
You asked for one more day
So you could understand the goodbye
Well, when I asked for the same
Your silence told me everything
You wouldn’t even try
Do you still sulk
These many miles away
Still dabble in flame
As if I’m still there to tame
I know I did the wishing
I know I wove the spell
Love spell too tight
Gave us too many years to fight
Made us hang on despite tears
We were breaking, broke and broken
Still, my love spell kept you close
For me it didn’t matter,
I always loved you most
So, I undid it true
On a full blue moon
Didn’t know I gave her you
Dug it out and unwrapped
The Red ribbon of our start
I burned it, chanted released
And, gave you back your heart
So convinced it was the right path
I felt loved, but differently
Thought it time for my life to begin
Now, too late, I realize
I gave your freedom too soon
I am stuck, distracted, howling, crawling
I’d missed all warning
And chose a man not you
I chose a man not true
The moon
Bound, rewound
Affected me too
My heart will never be the same
If my life started when you came
It ended when I let you go again
My lessons say I must wish you well
How does that work
If I’m stuck in hell
Twice deserted, tricked
I was tempted, that I know
It didn’t have to end
I can plead I didn’t know
By then you were both not friend
Ignorance is no excuse
It is my burden, if I’m honest
Born of ancient knowledge
I knew what I was doing
And when the moon is full
My fingers itch……
but I ignore them

Photo, with thanks, by Anthony Guebels

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

Lost, I’m Found

Did you check the Lost & Found box
Did you knock on the door
Check the bathroom floor
Try all the different locks
Did you try at all?
You said you know me best
Why didn’t you find me
This was a doomed test
You should have looked harder
You said you loved me best
Did you call my name
Softly, or maybe shout it?
Did you think I was playing?
I don’t want to argue
But, I do wonder about it
I still don’t have a clue
You had all my keys
I was on my knees
I begged you please
You didn’t come
Didn’t walk, didn’t run
You didn’t look
Didn’t see, what you took
You didn’t know
Didn’t care, didn’t show
I’ve been lost for a long, cold time
I’ve been hiding, in a place in my mind
Since I learned you don’t love me
And, I am….only one of two or three
Now I’m stuck
Can’t get loose
Out of luck
I didn’t choose
Can’t be fetched
I’m not around
Cannot be dressed
Alone and bound
Throw me the key
Show me the door
I won’t be heart sore
I don’t care where you go
Just let me leave
I don’t care that you’re done
I’ll be my own release
You deal with your theft
And, I can shake this disease
You already lost my respect
When I’m loose, I’ll be perfect
I allow you your excuses
Not man enough
No truth in love
Right now, to me, you’re useless

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

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