Accountable

I counted my demons
Accumulated, fed, destroyed, stronger
I counted my reaction time
Fought, slower, lost, longer
I counted blessings
That just made me mad
I’ve wrestled for so long, now
Counted blessings make me sad
I tallied words, hurts and tears
Included hope, joy and fears
I added up my wrong
I added up my loss
I crossed out calculation
Totals ran red in cost
Added God for calibration
Of these demons inside my head
With my full consent
I declare an enemy dead
You undid me when you went
As recollections burn
Devastated amputation
Of heart, of soul, of sin
Faith is real regeneration
I still hold salvation high
And, though you cannot see
You need to take your turn
If it was so easy to break me
Not to stop, to check, to learn
Or pretend the culprit not you
And every bitter pill I took
Reminds me I should have taken two
I accept my soul disrupt
I accept this life bankrupt
I accept it is not the end
Acknowledge debt out loud
While torment sleeps in shroud
Before you judge my outcome
Before you judge my despair
Or Tsk Tsk me destroyed
Remember, Innocence is unaware
Remember, I wished you laughter
All I wanted was you there
For the beginning, the life and hereafter
While you willed me blind
There isn’t always an after
Nor time to atone
Derisive, decisive, God is incisive
I have no answers, no more questions
I gave you a lifetime
You gave me alone
When I calculated my lessons
Forgiveness was always mine
Sealed your fated total in an envelope
We cannot calculate confessions
As Angels evicted demons
God delivered it to you
And, stamped it in angry red
For your sins this is “Now Due”

Photo:
“Freedom” by Young-june Choi (Gpzang)
http://www.gpzang.deviantart.com

Artist’s comment (in somewhat broken English):
We are thrown into the intensive life.
To gain what we want, we struggle fiercely. May complete freedom be achieved only when all the struggles comes to the end.

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

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