I wish, I wish, I wish

I wish, I wish, I wish
No silence when you leave
Spoken louder than trees rustling
My wintry attempts unhinged
And an unbridled pain
Of the noisy proud of hustling
When you know all is lost
And nothing can remain
When you’ve bet the full cost
Still all expectations pale
And the sum total stays at loss
I wish, I wish, I wish
No futile fumbling in the dark
And I need never bid you depart
That nurture not a dropped stitch
Of a life that filled my womb
That I could finish what I start
That I could be more human
And make that my Art
That I could be loved
And not manifest failed acumen
That I could love
The things I have been dreaming of
And not feel nothing, but contempt
At time wasted, misspent
On all these attempts
And still my creation bent
I wish, I wish, I wish
That I knew more than this
Before crickets were my dance partner
In the longest lonely night
That my life deny disaster
Or the petty things in which you delight
In hurting and betrayal
And I find I grieve anew
At the prettiest portrayal
At the loss of innocence
And a laughter not felt since
The beginning that was you
When fascination was complete
Oh how disappointment leaves me weak
And, I can barely speak
Of the heartbreak you have brought
And the favours I have bought
To keep you close
And I’m stuck on repeat
This devastation so utmost
My womb continues to sleep
I wish, I wish, I wish
That you were not so broken
That you take back words you’ve spoken
And the hands you use to beat
My heart and face and keep
You safe in Mother’s love
What were you thinking of?
I always chose you first
Even at my worst
I wish, I wish, I wish
I were not too tired to continue
But, I heave with no breath left
Pray you could find within you
A piece to fix your puzzle
That realization bubble
And that a man can new emerge
I wouldn’t strand you child
Or leave you in the dirt
But, I cannot pick you up
My heart has had enough
I wish, I wish, I wish
That even prodigal
Some part of you comprehends
My mistakes knew nothing logical
Except the need that you not spend
Even one day less than perfect
I admitted same and knew
That for you all is worth it
Yet, I cannot keep making amends
If I am the one who spends
An eternity on what if
I wish, I wish, I wish
And I am sorry it wasn’t expected
I didn’t read the rules
I didn’t know I neglected
The perfection of your soul
But, I have paid my dues
Tenfold and in kind
I myself am still in progress
A developmental design
And I was less than whole
Before you were even conceived
You are my one achievement
Now from you I am torn
The proudest moment of my life
Was the day that you were born

For my son: I love you. God Bless Your Path and Keep you Safe, Mom

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress