Believe You Me

I guess that’s it then ~

We’ve already had this conversation

Neither will admit the hesitation

Stubborn stillness suppresses

And I do believe you

I know you will miss us

It was never intended to hurt

Love evaporates like morning dew

At the first inkling of sunlight

And you can believe me

You were the stars in my darkest night

I am confined by the restrictions

Of my predilections

By the pride cultivated

When my Name was Devastation

But, I believe you

We were your destination

And I would bleed for you

If that was a trusted supplication

But, love is not some obligation

Please believe me

You were my happiness

I long to follow where you go

It’s true, you know

You are me reflected

A thousand times

Our scars, our hopes

Those we own so we are defined

I don’t recognise

Smiling eyes and laughter lines

Stripped down to nothing

Just scratch the surface ~ see me crying

Though I may waver

I stand with head high

We call ourselves saviour

Brave in goodbye

Resigned reluctantly free

Every scar a testimont

To beauty – to you and me

Soldier

He smelled of oranges and dirt 

So close I could touch his hurt

I gathered him into my arms 

An unwitting Mother once more

I had no demands 

I didn’t close the door

There, we sank to the floor 

While wild wind rained in debris

I said, “Come to me…”

And let him remember home

I held him between breast

He unfurled, 

Slowly becoming more, not less 

Heaving breath laboured chest 

As I held him in the hours 

     before dawn

I reminded him that morning will bring ~ something 

Even if only one thing

Besides inordinate suffering 

I admit,

      Tenderness not amongst my   

                 strengths

Too many years alone

These depths of understanding 

Earned through whip and stone

And I could feel his shuddering 

Anguished yet undemanding 

I wished I could give better peace

Wisdom is years reigning heat 

Now just absence that lingers on 

And owns the echoes 

Of Losses dividing in my head

So shared instead

Of the love inside my broken 

I told him some of the secrets 

I’ve always kept them ~ close 

And gently brushed his face

I kissed where it hurt the most

I murmured soft endearments 

My fingers lost and traced

I made promises I couldn’t keep 

Giving the one thing I could gift

The Eventual peace of sleep

Tangled restoration greets 

Early affront, an enlightened dawn

I smiled; “Go, find your purpose…..

And, you will be reborn.”

Sadness

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Sadness that enters bone
Tissue, sinew and blood
To My soul
Where you Shove
And
Map stars to some other destiny
Tortuous travel unbidden
You leave me, I taste your felony
The melancholy rides
Hard
No sunrise, no moon, no birdsong
Contentment hurries away to hide
Scurries away shadows long
Nothing
Can lift that cloak of damage
I lift chin proudly
“I can manage…”
But, jaw is brick and plaster
Awaiting the moment it shatters
Lips tremble and bite disaster
Until sadness is all that matters
It is all I taste
It is alone
Wherever the place
It is home
Where always I wait
It is you
It is us in our waste
The tears fill and fall
Sadness is me
Now we are no more

I Am Here

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If I could only sleep, I think it would all go away. The reruns and the constant self-flaying bullshit – until all my head is, is cotton wool and storm drains; ebbing always away and into nothing. So that I am nothing – only a vast ocean of my bad choices and guilt. And really, how else are we supposed to live, if not to acknowledge our misdeeds and the fault lines that lay within all of us? To pick at it until it explodes? See how much pressure it can take… realistically.
Emotional pressure points – God only knows until we do too, and fuck up anew.

I watched a movie based on a novel by Stephen Elliot, it has the lines: “Validation is a helluva thing..” and he answers “The truth is fucked up”. And that’s my entire life in two sentences – I’m constantly trying to validate what I’ve already fucked up, and continue to fuck up on a daily basis. Because I cannot sleep so I cannot process so I cannot heal or find the sense in my actions.
Mostly though, it’s just me; inside my head, berating myself on every level. And let’s face it, who would want that kinda shit as a daily cheerleader? Bound to get tangled inside of words and actions and dreams and disillusionment that just go nowhere. Except, here. I am here.

Wide awake and terrorised by my own thoughts. My imagination is a scarey and wondrous place.
I would prefer not to live there.

But, I do.
I am.
I am here.

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Let it Hurt

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It hurts to see your picture
So I made you my screen saver
It hurts to remember your words
So I made them my status
I have lived long enough
To know
The joy of confronted pain
It’s how I heal
It’s how I will love again

Broken Rules

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After you left
I restored order
From chaotic love
That filled every corner
The mess we made
Joined bedding on the floor
Jewellery and panties and heels
Claw marks you can’t ignore
Can you understand how it feels…
…when you say “our place”?
I’ve never asked you to love me
Or questioned why in our haste
I know your scent lingers on
I breathe it in heady inhalations
Long after you are gone
And these tiny love bites
They sting beautifully
I am not yet earthbound,
…….chasing heights
Torso lithe and heavy
With remembered delights
New rules devolve
With attachments deadly
Sharing secrets untold
And only one guarantee
When this ends I won’t be ready
Broken our own rules
Forgot slow and steady
Naked, I hold onto pillows
Place them hard against me
Where need throbs constantly
So many reasons we cannot be
And my Hands shake visibly
At loss anticipated
I’m quiet – I won’t complicate it
Breeze softly visiting windows
Cooling heated skin, feverish
Don’t fall in love, don’t need
Ever mindful,
Though you are wonderful
I am composed serenity as you leave
Heartache left me spiteful
Bite the “I love you” on my tongue

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Truths

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The rain pools in earnest
Trying to prove a point
Handed my heart, hide this
Summer is at an end
And I miss you
Your broken bravery
Like salted ocean
My tears on your chin
And I feel you
Upon my skin
Bruised and weakened by sin
Under savlon water
Long haired sea weed
Catches on handles and pulls
I let it
The pain is truth
You go where I cannot
Invitation not rendered
The spite
Still takes me by surprise
Dressed crept slowly like night
Not expecting sunrise
When
All truths see light

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Bitter

You are closer than my own soul
You are from me, created perfectly
As God intended, flaws included
You heard my heartbeat
You thrived
My body nurtured
Kept you alive
You rested and grew
Nine full moons
I’ve always been provider
Father and Mother both
When I pictured your birth
I was there alone
My arms our home
And earth our hearth

~~

But,
Four Score years it seems
Of bitter dreams
Of battles and cries
Figure what it means
At punishment’s end
Dull comprehend
Of successful tears
And leave her fears
At pushing, prodding
Of husband’s lie
Of zig zag coddling
Yet never a wife
At forgive-me-nots
Lost in clots
Of bearing children
Gone to grave
Of blessed prayer
For one we couldn’t save
At rushing trusting
And forgiving the why
Standing unsteady
Failing you, too
Never darling
Say I didn’t try
The blackest night
Ends with my sigh
Enfolds me close
And deepest moon
That shines for you
Come see Viking burial
Proud woman goodbye
The flames stacked high
In memorial
Of questions why
Heart as an effigy
Cloudburst on in sky
Burn ’til only dust
And eye finally dry

Photo Credit, with admiration and thanks to: Our Lady of Sorrow” by Victoria Frances
http://www.victoriafrances.es

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

Home Alone

My life on a thread
You were an Intermission
You carried my weight
Your determined decision
To keep me safe
You gave me a home,
‘Til I was fine
You gave me your time,
Even away
You gave me your heart,
swore you would stay
Then I hurt you
I warned you I would
You wept
Surprised you still could
Then you went
And I slept while I died
Without you close
Without you by my side
I dealt with death
I dealt with betrayal
I moved house and home
I fell off the rails
Slept off the nightmare
Wished you were home
Made a new life
Wished you were there
Wished that just once
I was not so alone
Today is the last day
I reach out for you
Tired of been ignored
Tired of writing
Without a reply
Admit you got bored
So remain uninviting
You say you are angry
I understand why
Bereft, I say you left me
You didn’t try
I don’t know where you’ve been
Or who you have loved
I know only this
It hasn’t been me
You kept me safe
While I prayed for you
Then you left me
I can only conclude
And, this is tough
I wasn’t important…..
And – You didn’t love me enough

Photos by artists courtesy of ღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ☆¸.•°*”˜ http://www.facebook.com/fairiesmythsandmagic ˜”*°•.¸☆

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

The melody of your demise by Enayla

Fairies, Myths, and Magic

The melody of your demise by Enayla

Mehach and Ereyon.

Tales speak of how Mehach, Goddess of Death, used to visit the world of Aii Chriaston in the past. She would herself step down from her ebony keep, and gently weave and coax souls from their discarded shells – and legends speak of how she, when gathering souls from a battlefield, met a wounded, but still breathing young man by the name of Ereyon.

Ereyon was beautiful in a way the Goddess had never seen before – she had seen beauty in Gods, but here, she saw beauty in life. In his pulse, in the beat of his heart, and she came to love him – and he came to love her.

She visited him every night, and every night they kissed. For nearly a year, they were together, but Ereyon had a secret he did not share with his mistress. Though her presence when she was with him was dimmed down – she was still Death, and she was slowly killing him. Rather than telling her, and losing what little time he had left with her, he kept quiet, and wasted away. Mehach was blinded by her love for him and suspected nothing until the day he actually died – and she felt his passing from her throne.

He did not come to her, though, as souls should. He clung to his grave and haunted the cemetery at night. Mehach called for him but he would not come – so she was forced to go down to him once again.

He did not want to go to the ebony keep, because he knew that then he would lose his memories and his love for her – he would lose what he had left. Haunting the cemetery, at least, would let him remember what they had shared.

Mehach spent the night in the graveyard, playing her harp – weaving patterns of his soul through her fingers, until, quiet as the wraith he was, he could no longer resist… and floated towards her, kissing her cheek – and she kissed him in return and thus stole his memories, and his love, and all that he once was… truly stealing his life before taking him back to the dark keep.

It is said that after this incident, after the tragic death of Ereyon, the Goddess of Death has never been seen on Aii Chriaston again.

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ღƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ☆¸.•°*”˜ http://www.facebook.com/fairiesmythsandmagic ˜”*°•.¸☆ ★

Posted By PastelPoetry from WordPress

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